Love is my meditation.

I was walking on a beach in Cancun with 900 other classmates, headphones on, doing my walking meditation when suddenly the guided meditation that I was listening to stopped working.  I froze for a moment unsure of what to do or how to proceed.

Suddenly, a workshop volunteer appeared and offered to help with my phone and meditation.  Within minutes he got it working again and I could hear the guided meditation.  I was flooded with appreciation for this volunteer and was expressing it profusely.

He turned to me and said, “ I am totally happy to help, love is my meditation.:

His words reverberated in my head.

Love is my meditation.

What would it be like to make love my meditation, I wondered?  Here I am on a 7-day meditation retreat, could I go home and make love my mediation?  I felt inspired by the challenge I was thinking about implementing.

Fast forward six month later.

I have plans with a friend but circumstances change and I unexpectedly need to cancel.  She is upset and disappointed with me….again.

I begin to feel guilty, misunderstood and resentful.  Can’t she see that I have needs too?  Can’t she see that I’m not just here to serve her?  Can’t she see that she holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself?

Stop.

I catch myself.

I’m feeling like a victim.  Running the poor me, no one understands me tape.

What if love really was my meditation, like, right now.

I’m driving as I have this thought and so right there and then as I’m turning right at the red light I start meditating on love as I drive (with eyes open of course!)

Love.
Love.
Love.

Love is my meditation.

I say to myself.  Allowing myself to feel the vibration of the words.

Love.
Love.
Love.

But it’s not fair, she has a double standard.  She holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself, my analytical mind retorts.

Love is my meditation; I shoot back at my brain that desperately wants to run its familiar tapes.

Love.
Love.
Love.

Feel it.
Embody it.

(I say to myself.)

Love is my mediation.
Love is my meditation.

And so I drive along this way for another minute or two. Overcoming the voices that want me to be a victim, misunderstood, and alone, and meditating instead on love.

I don’t’ wait till I get home.  I don’t wait until I’m in a formal meditation.  I just keep repeating, feeling, and embodying the mantra:

Love.
Love.
Love.

And slowly my heart begins to open again and I am feeling love and a new thought enters my head (In my now more elevated state my mind is more coherent and I am able to hear guidance)and I hear a male voice say to me:  You are modeling self-care, something she knows nothing about.

And suddenly everything changes.  I am no longer hurt.  I am no longer feeling misunderstood   I am no longer feeling resentful.

Suddenly I see what is so obvious.

My friend doesn’t know how to take care of herself and so she gets resentful and upset when I model self-care.  If I can stay steady, then I model a new way of being for her and subtly give her permission to take care of herself too.

If I get upset and hurt at her lack of understanding of me, I muddy the waters and we both get caught in a cycle of frustration and reactivity.

She may hear the message I’m sending now, or it may take years or even life times to sink in.  But now  rather than feeling misunderstood I feel like a role model.   Instead of feeling hurt and victimized, I feel compassion for my friend who works herself to the bone and spends her life meeting the needs of others without any thought or consideration of her own needs.   I am flooded with true love and understanding.

Life gives us many opportunities within a day to practice love as our meditation.  In fact, perhaps its better to start cultivating the feeling of love before the need even arises, so that we are more prepared for the tests that life will inevitability throw our way.

The theory is that when you can maintain an elevated state, such as love, for an extended period of time, your heart comes into greater balance and creates something called heart coherence.  When your heart becomes coherent it sends a clear signal to your brain which causes the brain to become coherent.  When your heart and brain are coherent, you become coherent.

When you find yourself in these more balanced states, your health can improve, you mind can settle and you can gain access to greater wisdom and clarity, and decision making can become easier.

So practice love as your meditation today and practice achieving greater coherence in your heart and brain and see what miracles unfold in your body, mind and life.

I’ll be practicing right along with you, doing the work that is challenging to do  and yet can pay such high dividends.

And If you live in New England, have a nice snow day!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

P.S. After writing this blog, I also realized that my friend is also a teacher for me.  She is teaching me to not be such a people pleaser and do my best to listen to guidance rather than try to please those around me.  Its an ongoing lesson and experiment in trial and error for sure.

 

 

Your Inner Roommate is Trying to Kill You.

I was reading a book called The Untethered Soul some time ago and early in the book the author had you personify the voice in your head.  In other words, he had you imagine that the voice in your head was your inner roommate.  He wanted you to listen to how this inner roommate is talking to you.  He pointed out that inevitably you realize that your inner roommate is trying to kill you and that if such a person actually existed you would quickly eliminate them from your life.

Recently, I was listening to some of the things that my inner roommate was saying to me, and I too decided that, in fact, my inner roommate was trying to kill me.

So I wrote a letter to myself, the kind that I would want to receive from a loving friend or parent.

I thought I’d share the letter with all of you, in case you too have an inner roommate that is trying to do you in.

We must all learn to overcome the voices in our head that are trying to sabotage us our efforts and rise up into our own power and strength.

This is not an easy task and in the words of a teacher of mine, if this was easy, everyone would do it.

And yet, still, the task remains: To replace the violent inner roommate who is trying to keep us small (it feels safer that way) with a wonderful inner cheerleader who supports our expansion and growth.

Here is my love letter from the divine.

I hope it softens the voices in your head and allows you to go forward with a little more strength and confidence today.

Read frequently for it takes some time to retrain the voices in our head.

Tell yourself what you long to hear.

And remember, in the words of Vincent Van Gogh:

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

Love letter from the divine.

I love you.
I love you.

You can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

You are powerful.

I love you.
I love you.

You are beautiful.

I love you.
I love you.

I believe in you.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.

I love you.
I love you.

You got this.

I love you.
I love you.

Rise up.

I love you.
I love you.

You are capable.

I love you.
I love you.

You are strong.

I love you.
I love you.

You are a genius.

I love you.
I love you.

You are creative.

I love you.
I love you.

Open to receive.

I love you.
I love you.

You are magnificient.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop scaring yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

You are never alone.

I love you.
I love you.

Powerful beings of light are all around you.

I love you.
I love you.

All of life is conspiring in your favor.

I love you.
I love you.

All of life is working with you to manifest what you need.

I love you.
I love you.

One touch of divine favor changes everything.

I love you.
I love you.

Expand your idea of what you are capable of.

I love you.
I love you.

You can bring expansion into your life.

I love you.
I love you.

You are more than enough.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop playing small.

I love you.
I love you.

The divine is everywhere.

I love you.
I love you.

You are surrounded in light.

I love you.
I love you.

Let us work with you to manifest what you need.

I love you.
I love you.

You are supported.

I love you.
I love you.

Devote yourself to service.

I love you.
I love you.

We are walking you home.

I love you.
I love you.

Be kinder to yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop scaring yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

You can do this.
You can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.
You deserve goodness.

Open to receive.
Open to receive.

Be strong.
Be powerful.
Be confident.

And remember that you are never alone.

You got this.
We believe in you.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Have a good week everyone, and if you live locally feel free to join us for our live group healing on Monday the 14th or join us on Thursday nights for our wonderful meditation group.  We would love to see you!

Group Healing January 14th:

Our next group healing will be Monday January 14 from 7-8:30 at 800 Main Street, Amherst Ma. (middle door in the front of the building.)  The fee is $15.00.

This is a wonderful evening of healing, community, laughter, enjoyment and elevated states of consciousness.

Come for yourself, come to contribute to the healing of others, come to raise your vibration and the vibration of the planet.

Little by little, we rise up, raise our vibration, elevate our state and contribute to the healing of ourselves, our community, and our world.

Be part of the revolution.

Together we create a light that brings healing to ourselves, our family and friends, our community and our world.

Please join us!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

Becoming Uncommon

I was meditating this morning and I heard a teachers voice in my head and he said, “If you want the uncommon, you must become uncommon.”

What did he mean by that, you may ask?

He meant if you want to have new and unusual experiences in your life you have to live life  differently than the average person.

You have to learn to give while everyone else is taking.

You have to learn to love while everyone else if judging.

You have to learn to listen while everyone else if talking.

You have to learn to be selfless while everyone else is being selfish.

You have to learn to stay calm while everyone else is reacting.

You have to learn to look honestly while everyone else is avoiding.

These are not easy tasks, and yet it is what is asked of us. We are asked to model a new way of being and to be willing to be a beacon of hope and light  in a world filled with darkness. The challenge of this is sometimes we must stand alone for a while until other like minded people can find their way to us.

But for now be willing to stand alone. Be willing to model a new way. Be willing to take the road less traveled. Be willing to be uncommon.

Practice offering love even in the face of judgementalness or unkindness. Practice giving while others are taking. Practice listening while others are talking. Practice being selfless while others are being selfish. Practice holding a new standard for yourself, even if you are doing it alone.

See what shows up differently in your life when you show up differently.

As always, be wise and discerning as you navigate new terrain.

And most importantly, remember if you want the uncommon, you must become uncommon.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Learning to listen.

Be sure that you’re not so full of opinions about what I am doing that you can’t hear a word I say.

Be sure that you’re not so filled with certainty about my path that you’ve lost your ability to listen.

Can you sit wide open without judgment, without opinion, and just listen?

Can you sit wide open and allow me to share what is in my heart to share without jumping in?

Can you put aside your thoughts of right and wrong long enough to just be with me?

Can you sit in compassion while I talk?

It sounds easy, but I’m not sure you can do it.

Challenge yourself to sit with somebody for 10 minutes today with the only intention to listen, not to judge, not to correct, not to inform, not to save, not to rescue, but just listen.

How deeply can you listen?

How deeply can you remain still inside?

Can you sit with my pain?

Can you sit with yours?

You say you want more intimacy in your life.

Then you must learn to listen.

For I will only tell you my secrets if I think you can be trusted

~Hayley Mermelstein

If you want more intimacy in your life.

I often hear people talk about how they want more intimacy in their lives. Why don’t others confide in me? Why don’t I have close friends? And while I am no expert I can tell you one thing. If you want people to tell you their secrets learn to listen. Learn to listen in an open and non judgemental way. Learn to listen in such a way that someone could tell you anything and they would not feel one iota of judgementalness from you.

Can you really hold an open space for someone else?

I know that you think that you can.

But I can tell you must people cannot.

Most people can’t really listen. They can judge, offer advice, try to rescue and save, but deep down they can’t really listen. What you have to say is unpleasant for them, or makes them uncomfortable, or takes too much time, or makes them feel like they need to rescue you.

If you are someone who can really listen, you will have more people drawn to you then you can handle.

So learn to listen. Not so you can have more friends on this earth. Learn to listen because it is a lost art.

Learn to listen because it gives others space to share their secrets.

Learn to listen because it is a gift so few know how to give.

Can you go through one conversation without judgementalness, impatience, or the need to rescue or save? Can you go through one conversation with the only agenda to listen as deeply as you can.

When you really listen deeply you give others the space to unravel into their own answers.

It will seem like magic to you if you are really paying attention.

But you have to be able to really listen. You have to let go of your certainty that you know what is right for another person. You have to let go of your impatience. You have to let go of your self righteousness and urge to judge or rescue.

You must bring yourself earnestly to the table with the only desire to give another the space to share whatever is in their heart to share.

If you can do this, you will watch others unravel into their own wisdom, and their own answers.

But do not take my word for it.

Try it for yourself.

Listen with no agenda today. Do not listen to make another see your version of the truth. Do not listen to correct.   Do not listen to save or set straight. Listen only to listen. Listen only to give another person the opportunity to heal. Listen only to give the other person as much room as they need to express what is in their heart.

Do not correct. Do not save. And do not judge. (your judgement will be felt even if you say nothing, btw.)

Sit in as much openness and compassion as you can find in yourself.

Sit in your openness and let anything another person has to say be okay.

Make your only agenda to be to listen as deeply as possibly.

If you can do this, you will hear on a whole new level and others will be drawn to you in ways you have never experienced.

If you can do this, you will become a healing salve in a world filled with quick answers and opinions, judgementalness, self righteousness and impatience.

Learn to listen. Learn to listen.

People need to feel safe to express more than they need your advice.

Experiment with this today. Sit in compassion. Sit in openness. Let go of your need to correct and see how deeply you can listen.

What will happen in your relationships and your life will shock you.

 

 

The Greatest Gift of All.

When I come to you with my heartache and sorrow, can you just listen, really listen? Can you listen without the need to judge me, with out the need to correct me, without the need to tell me what to do, without the need to protect me or save me from myself?

When I tell you my pain can you not tell me all the ways I am not seeing this correctly, can you not tell me that I am acting like a teenager, can you not tell me that I’m worrying way too much about this? Can you not tell me what I need to do or say? Could you just listen for as long as it takes?

Can you listen until I find my way?
Can you listen until I unwind into my own knowing?
Can you just listen because I have something I need to share and express?
Can you listen and allow me my process?
Can you listen just for listening sake?

Can you listen with compassion?
Can you listen with understanding?

Can you understand everyone has something they are working through and even if you know all the answers, even if you think you know everything I am doing wrong, even if you think I should be over this by now, can you just listen?

Can you listen and know that I just need to talk.

I don’t need you to tell me what to do.

I don’t need you to tell me what to say.

I don’t need you to protect me from myself.

I don’t need you to educate me about everything I am doing wrong.

I don’t need you to tell me how ridiculous I am being.

I need you to love me and I need you to listen.

When you really listen without the need to protect, judge, rescue, save or set straight, when you really listen just for the sake of listening, you give other people the relief of sharing what is going on for them. You give them the opportunity to find their own answers. When you listen you allow others to have their process. When you listen without judgement or thought about how they should navigate their life you allow them space to come to their own knowing and step into their own power. When you listen just for the sake of listening you offer the deepest healing of all.

And so for today practice listening. Hold back on advice giving. Hold back on judging. Hold back on thinking you know. Just listen. Just listen and send love and trust that the people in your life will find their own way, in there own time.

Listen and love. This is all that is asked of you for today.

Of course, there are times when advice giving is sometimes appropriate and even life saving. But it is only through deep listening that we will know when it is time to speak up.

(It is said that God gives us two ears and one mouth for a reason.)

For today, focusing on listening.

See how deeply you can listen and when you feel you want to advise, judge, correct, set straight or tell someone how absurd they are being, listen even deeper.  Make listening your utmost priority for today and let any words you speak come from this place of deep listening.

Your deep listening will allow others to unwind into their own answers.

Listen deeply today and offer someone something that is a rare and special gift: your time, your attention and your love. Listen deeply today and give others the space to share what is truly going on for them.  In this way, you will be a healing force in their world in a way that you can not fully fathom.  Be a safe harbor for those in your life.  Give the greatest gift of all.  Learn to listen.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.

May we all deepen our capacity to listen deeply and hear on a whole new level

P.S. As always, I write about what I most need to learn. And in that vein, I will be working on listening on a whole new level in 2019.

Thank you for listening to my words. I deeply appreciate your time and attention.

Blessings to us all.

Warmly,

Hayley Mermelstein
 
p.s.s. Our next Group Healing in Amherst, Ma. will be Monday, January 14th at 7 p.m.  We are located at 800 Main Street, Amherst, Ma. middle door in the front of the building. 

Our healing community and healing power is growing. Feel free to join us for this evening of light, love, healing, community and laughter.  We look forward to seeing you soon!

Even Though

I was talking to a friend yesterday about the challenge of self love and how truly learning to love oneself was not always an easy task. On the surface most of us would say we do love ourselves and yet as we dig deeper we find places of darkness within that still need healing. I often wonder what would change in our lives if we truly loved ourselves? What goodness are we denying ourselves because of our lack of self love? What opportunities might open in our lives if we really felt worthy to receive?

It is on this note that I wrote the piece entitled: Even though. It is about truly leaning to love ourselves even though we are highly flawed and often can’t live up to our own ideals of ourselves. It’s about learning to love ourselves with all of our imperfections.

I offer this to all of us today and we enter the holiday season. During this time we may rub up against our own wounds and the wounds of others. We may be tempted to fall into self judgement or judgement of others.

Perhaps this poem will help all of us to stay a little kinder and a little more compassionate with ourselves and others. Perhaps this is the greatest gift we can give one another as we enter into this holiday season.

Even Though.

Even though you are highly imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you have made many mistakes. I love you anyway.
Even though you feel so flawed some days, I love you anyway.
Even though you have meant well and sometimes done the wrong thing, I love you anyway.
Even though you have trouble saving money the way you would like to, I love you anyway.
Even though you move from one imperfect situation to the next, I love you anyway.
Even though you have days where you feel like you can’t do this, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flooded with self doubt some times, I love you anyway..
Even though you have starved yourself and over ate all in the name of trying to fit some societal ideal of beauty, I love you anyway.
Even though you have abandoned your own needs time and time again. I love you anyway.
Even though you are not sure if you can navigate this life you have been given, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been unappreciative, I love you anyway.
Even though you are not as disciplined as you may like, I love you anyway.
Even though you are messy sometimes, I love you anyway.
Even though you have loved those who can’t love you back, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been selfish, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been been self denying, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been insecure, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been arrogant, I love you anyway.
Even though you have remained passive when you should have spoken up, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been too rigid, when you should have been loose, I love you anyway.
Even though you thought you were right when actually you were wrong, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been afraid, and that fear caused you to act in out of balanced ways , I love you anyway.

Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.

Our lives are a series of moving from one imperfect situation to the next. We have our imperfections and the people around us have theirs. We have our blind spots and the people around us have theirs.

And so we must learn to love the imperfections both within ourselves and within others. We must learn not to be so surprised by them. They are part of the human condition.

Learn to love the imperfections. Learn to love the wounds. Learn to love the humanity within yourself and within others. This is the way out of the pain.

There are imperfections and wounds within you and all around you. Learn to love them and they will not control you any longer. Learn to expect them. Learn to stay balanced around them. Learn to embrace the wounds, learn to embrace the imperfections. Learn to embrace the messiness of the human condition in all its pain and all its glory. Learn to love that which you deem unlovable within yourself and others. Learn to love the humanity as you learn to call out the best that is within you. Learn to love it all and you will be free.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

I listen deeply.

I am a natural caretaker. I am good at reading the energy of the people around me and perceiving what they need and desire. And while this is an appealing trait and can make me quite popular, it has its disadvantages too. One main disadvantage is that although I am skilled in reading the energy of other people, I am not as skilled with tuning into myself and knowing what it is that I need.

Recently, I was involved in an interaction with someone who said to me: Why don’t you take care of you, and I’ll take care of me. At the time, a wave of relief washed over me. You mean I can just focus on taking care of myself. I don’t have to take care of you too. To a care giver (and recovering over giver) this was music to my ears.

I found myself asking: What does it mean to really take care of me? What would it look like to be tuned into my own energy and flow? What would it be like to be deeply tuned in to the impulses of my own inner spirit?

I believe that at the deepest level, we are one. I also believe that at the deepest level there is consensus about what is right for the whole. When you are in a deep place in you and I am in a deep place in me, we will be in agreement about what is best for the whole.

If we are not in a deep place within ourselves, there will be perceived differences. For example: If someone is feeling insecure they may ask for help for something that they are really capable of doing themselves. The care taker in me may want to help them or even do it for them. But, if I am in a deeper place within myself, I may discern that the truly loving thing to do is empower them to do this task on their own. I may be more liked in the short term when I give this person my immediate help and attention. But this would weaken them and leave me drained. If instead, I listened deeply to what would best serve the oneness, I might hear: Let her do this on her own. She can do this. You take care of you and allow her space to find her strength and power.

This would free me to do what is best for me and free my friend to find her own inner power and strength. It is only when we listen at this deeper level that we will truly know what is best for the whole.

And so it is training for all of us to learn to listen deeply to the oneness and ask frequently: What would best serve the oneness in this situation?

Some of us have a tendency to consider our own needs and some of us have a tendency to consider the needs of others. True awareness and attunement comes when we learn to consider what would best serve the oneness, which would take into account what would best serve all involved.

And so for today, ask yourself frequently: What would best serve the oneness in this situation and listen deeply to the answer. Living in this way may at times make your more popular and at other times less popular. But still, regardless of the reaction of others, it is our responsibility to practice listening in this way.

On this note, I wrote a short affirmation to help all of us in this endeavor.

I listen deeply.

I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.

I listen deeply within and I ask:

What would best serve the oneness today?
What would best serve the oneness in this situation?

I listen deeply, for it is only through deep listening that I can truly discern what would best serve the whole of which I am a part.

When we are listening superficially we may become self-centered: only considering our own superficial needs or we may become self-denying: only considering the superficial needs of others.

When we listen deeply we can hear the whispers of our own spirit and the deepest whispers of the spirit of others. When we listen in this way we naturally serve the oneness of which we are all apart.

I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.

I serve the oneness of which I am a part.

I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.

I matter and you matter.
We all matter.

It is only through deep listening that the deepest whispers of the spirit can be heard.

So listen deeply and seek to serve the oneness in all that you say, think and do.

Be gentle with yourself for this is a practice and a skill that will get easier over time.

I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.
I listen deeply.

~Hayley Mermelstein

You are a gift.

I was sitting in my meditation this morning and while I was sitting an insecurity came over me. I was flooded with the feeling of not being good enough and wanting to run from a situation I was being guided toward. The urge to run was so strong but so was the urge to move towards.

What’s a girl to do?

Anyway, I sat in my meditation feeling somewhat tortured by my conflicting emotions when I heard a voice whisper: You are a gift. You have something valuable to offer to this situation. You are a gift. Stop holding back. You are a gift.

And this of course, this reminded me of a story.

About 20 years ago I attended a Tony Robbins workshop. During the workshop Tony would periodically have us pair up with a partner to discuss what we were learning and experiencing. There was an uneven number of people in my row and so I found myself pairing up with a man a few rows back. He would come and sit next to me during the partner time of the workshop and then return to his original seat when the discussion was complete.

During one of our conversations I felt really drawn to invite him just to sit next to me through out the workshop so that he didn’t have to keep moving seats. The impulse to ask him to move seats was really strong but I held back. I was afraid of giving him the wrong idea. I was afraid of imposing my will. I was concerned he wouldn’t want to move seats, etc… etc.. And so, I squashed the small voice within that said: Ask him to sit next to you.

The day continued on and still the voice within me persisted and began to get louder: Ask him to sit next to you, it demanded.

No, that is rude. My younger self shot back to my intuition (and wiser self.)

Why would he want to sit next to me anyway? He is happy where he is.

“Ask him to sit next to you” the voice persisted.

No, I am shy. I don’t want to ask him to sit next to me. I don’t want to impose on him. He seems happy where he is.

The voice at this point got so loud, that I actually couldn’t ignore it or fight it anymore. It was so loud that I could barely even concentrate during my paired discussions with this guy.

Hey, I said to the man whose name I could not even remember. Why don’t you move your seat and sit next to me so that you don’t have to keep moving around.

Sure, he said. Great idea.

(All that worry, for naught!)

Anyway, he moved his seat and sat next to me. Shortly after Tony had us turn to the person sitting next to us and give them a shoulder massage (This was something Tony had us do periodically through out the day. And, btw, I was a massage therapist, so this was my specialty). Had I not asked this man to move seats he would not have been sitting beside me for this exercise. I gave this man a short shoulder massage and then he started to cry.

During our next partner interaction he confided in me that he had grown up in an abusive household and had never in his life had nurturing touch or massage and was very shy about physical touch. He had been sitting alone before I asked him to sit next to me (which I hadn’t realized) and so no one had given him a massage yet during the day long workshop.

He said me giving him that short massage was incredibly meaningful for him and had helped him to break through a lifetime blockage of letting other people touch him.

I sat somewhat stunned by the story. No wonder the voice in my head was so insistent. No wonder I needed to ask this man to sit next to me. And to think I almost missed this opportunity to contribute to his life in this way because I was feeling insecure.

I heard the voice whisper to me again and this time it said: You are a gift. Value yourself. You are a gift. Stop holding back. You are a gift. You are a gift. You are a gift.

How often do we hold back our gifts to the world because we are not valuing ourselves enough? How often do our insecurities prevent us from helping another or stepping into our full potential or following our own flow and guidance? How can we value ourselves more and remember the truth of who we are? How can we stop holding ourselves back and step into our full contribution, our full service, and our fullest version of ourselves?

I think we have to start by seeing ourselves as a gift. No matter how flawed we may be. No matter how many weaknesses and insecurities we may have. We all have gifts to offer this world.

I had no idea that following my intuition and guidance that day would be so important. I had no idea that massaging his shoulders would be one of the turning point of his life.

I shutter to think what would have happened had I not listened to my inner guidance, had I been too shy or hesitant to ask this guy to move his seat.

I continued to sit next to this man throughout the day. We continued to share our experiences and even did a second massage exchange. At the end of the day we hugged and he thanked me for asking him to sit next to me and for helping him to break out of his fear of people and touch and isolation. We hugged and went our separate ways.

I gave him my gift of compassion and nurturing touch and he reminded me that I am a gift and to stop holding back. Our work together was done and we both went back into our lives a little stronger.

Perhaps he was the whole reason I attended that workshop to begin with.

And so I remind myself now and all of us:

You are a gift.
Stop holding back.

The world needs your light.
The world needs your full contribution.

Let go of the self absorption:
What will they think? What will they say? Will I be rejected?

Let it all go.

Stop thinking so much about yourself and how you will be perceived and start thinking about how you can contribute to the lives of others.

Start thinking about how you can listen more deeply and follow your deepest guidance.

Start thinking about the fact that you are a gift and have gifts to offer this world.

Stop indulging in insecurities and value yourself and offer that which you came to offer.

Affirm frequently:

I love myself.
I love myself.

I value myself.
I value myself.

I am a gift.
I am a gift.

I have gifts to offer this world.
I have gifts to offer this world.

I hold back no longer.
I take my foot off the brake.

Spirit guide my steps.
Show me where I am needed.

Remove my insecurities and fill me with the awareness that I am a gift so that I can offer what I’ve come to offer.

I take my foot off the brake.
Use me as you will.

I am the humble servant.
I am the here to serve.

I am filled with greatness.
I offer my full contribution.

I am a gift.
I am a gift.
I am a gift.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Everything You Want is Right Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone.

I saw a postcard the other day that said: Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone. I’m not sure if this is entirely true, but for the most part, the postcard had a good point.

As I looked at this card, I couldn’t help but reflect on a time in high school when I wanted to ask a boy to the prom. I had had a secret crush on this boy since I was 13 years old. I was too shy at 13 to say anything to him. The years went by and we were in different classes and had very little contact. When I was a junior in high school I was floundering hopelessly in advanced French and switched in desperation into a remedial French class. And there, in that class, much to my surprise, was the boy I had liked since I was 13 years old. I was seated right next to him. He and I became fast friends often talking before, after, and sometimes, during class. Even though we were clearly friends, I still sensed that he was somewhat oblivious about my feelings toward him.

Somewhere towards the middle of the year, I had a knowing that I wanted to ask him to our high school prom. This was definitely, without a doubt, outside of my comfort zone. This wasn’t something the girl did. What if he rejected me? Does he even like me at all? Am I making a fool of myself? All of these thoughts swirled through my head.

I still remember sitting by my phone with his phone number in my hand. I sat by the phone for two hours mustering up the courage to call him. I remember that I cried and didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t have friends I could talk to about this at the time and didn’t feel comfortable getting advice from family. So I sat on the floor in my bedroom and cried. Everything I wanted was indeed outside of my comfort zone.

I finally picked up the phone and called the phone number. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. His mother answered and handed the phone to the object of my affection and I simply asked him if he would like to go to the prom with me. He thought for a moment and then said, “sure.”

I wave of relief washed over me. Not so much because I got what I wanted, but rather because I had faced my fear and took action. If I remember correctly, I got off the phone and cried some more.

Two weeks later this boy called me asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. We went out to dinner and thus began our three-year (very meaningful) relationship.

Everything you want is right out side of your comfort zone.

These days as I think about some of my next steps in life, I once again feel some of the fears that I felt at 17 years old. Old fears and even terrors come to the surface. I even thought to myself the other day, I can’t do this. I can’t do the things that I’m being asked to do. Fear and parallels overtook me.

In that moment, I did what I often do in these sorts of moments and I sat down and did a meditation. In that meditation a very simple phrase came into my head. The phrase was: I can do this.

As I sat in the stillness, as I sat in the fear and the feeling I can’t do this, somewhere from deep within a voice echoed: I can do this. I can do this.

The smaller me said, oh, yes, I remember now, I can do this. I forgot, I could.

I started sending love to the part of me that was afraid and trembling:

I love you.
I love you.

It’s going to be okay.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

And slowly, the feelings began to evolve and change. I quiet confidence and power began to arise in me and I began to grow a little stronger.

I love you.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I can do this.

I am confident.
I am confident.

I am powerful.
I am powerful.

I know who I am.

I can do this.
I can do this.

Now I would like to tell you that this is where the story ended and that I lived happily ever after never to face this particular fear again. But alas, that is not so.

I came out of the meditation stronger, only to forget the very next day all that I had just remembered.

(Reprogramming our mind and bodies is a process for sure).

And so, I sat in mediation the next day. The fear arose again and once again I heard the voice say: You can do this. You can do this. Oh yes, I forgot. I can do this. I can do this. I love you and I can do this.

And so it is a process, of stepping into our confidence and our power. Some days it comes naturally and some days we have to dig deep. Some days we feel like we are failing but even still we are moving closer to finding our strength and our confidence and our knowing that we can do that which is ours to do.

Everything we want is indeed right outside of our comfort zone. If this is the case then we are going to have to dig deep, find our confidence and wisdom, find our courage, send lots of love to ourselves and when the time comes to jump, we will need to jump.

We may still find ourselves crying on the bedroom floor sometimes but still, even so, if you listen deep enough, you will find there is a quiet voice within whispering to you. It is saying: You can do this. You can do this. It’s going to be okay. You can do this.

Blessings to us all.

Have a good weekend everybody. And if you liked this post and want to join with others who are working on overcoming there fears and stepping into a more empowered version of themselves please feel free to join our next group healing on Monday May 21rd or our weekly Thursday night meditation class. Both groups start at 7 p.m. and our drop in.

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein