Learning to listen.

Be sure that you’re not so full of opinions about what I am doing that you can’t hear a word I say.

Be sure that you’re not so filled with certainty about my path that you’ve lost your ability to listen.

Can you sit wide open without judgment, without opinion, and just listen?

Can you sit wide open and allow me to share what is in my heart to share without jumping in?

Can you put aside your thoughts of right and wrong long enough to just be with me?

Can you sit in compassion while I talk?

It sounds easy, but I’m not sure you can do it.

Challenge yourself to sit with somebody for 10 minutes today with the only intention to listen, not to judge, not to correct, not to inform, not to save, not to rescue, but just listen.

How deeply can you listen?

How deeply can you remain still inside?

Can you sit with my pain?

Can you sit with yours?

You say you want more intimacy in your life.

Then you must learn to listen.

For I will only tell you my secrets if I think you can be trusted

~Hayley Mermelstein

If you want more intimacy in your life.

I often hear people talk about how they want more intimacy in their lives. Why don’t others confide in me? Why don’t I have close friends? And while I am no expert I can tell you one thing. If you want people to tell you their secrets learn to listen. Learn to listen in an open and non judgemental way. Learn to listen in such a way that someone could tell you anything and they would not feel one iota of judgementalness from you.

Can you really hold an open space for someone else?

I know that you think that you can.

But I can tell you must people cannot.

Most people can’t really listen. They can judge, offer advice, try to rescue and save, but deep down they can’t really listen. What you have to say is unpleasant for them, or makes them uncomfortable, or takes too much time, or makes them feel like they need to rescue you.

If you are someone who can really listen, you will have more people drawn to you then you can handle.

So learn to listen. Not so you can have more friends on this earth. Learn to listen because it is a lost art.

Learn to listen because it gives others space to share their secrets.

Learn to listen because it is a gift so few know how to give.

Can you go through one conversation without judgementalness, impatience, or the need to rescue or save? Can you go through one conversation with the only agenda to listen as deeply as you can.

When you really listen deeply you give others the space to unravel into their own answers.

It will seem like magic to you if you are really paying attention.

But you have to be able to really listen. You have to let go of your certainty that you know what is right for another person. You have to let go of your impatience. You have to let go of your self righteousness and urge to judge or rescue.

You must bring yourself earnestly to the table with the only desire to give another the space to share whatever is in their heart to share.

If you can do this, you will watch others unravel into their own wisdom, and their own answers.

But do not take my word for it.

Try it for yourself.

Listen with no agenda today. Do not listen to make another see your version of the truth. Do not listen to correct.   Do not listen to save or set straight. Listen only to listen. Listen only to give another person the opportunity to heal. Listen only to give the other person as much room as they need to express what is in their heart.

Do not correct. Do not save. And do not judge. (your judgement will be felt even if you say nothing, btw.)

Sit in as much openness and compassion as you can find in yourself.

Sit in your openness and let anything another person has to say be okay.

Make your only agenda to be to listen as deeply as possibly.

If you can do this, you will hear on a whole new level and others will be drawn to you in ways you have never experienced.

If you can do this, you will become a healing salve in a world filled with quick answers and opinions, judgementalness, self righteousness and impatience.

Learn to listen. Learn to listen.

People need to feel safe to express more than they need your advice.

Experiment with this today. Sit in compassion. Sit in openness. Let go of your need to correct and see how deeply you can listen.

What will happen in your relationships and your life will shock you.



The Greatest Gift of All.

When I come to you with my heartache and sorrow, can you just listen, really listen? Can you listen without the need to judge me, with out the need to correct me, without the need to tell me what to do, without the need to protect me or save me from myself?

When I tell you my pain can you not tell me all the ways I am not seeing this correctly, can you not tell me that I am acting like a teenager, can you not tell me that I’m worrying way too much about this? Can you not tell me what I need to do or say? Could you just listen for as long as it takes?

Can you listen until I find my way?
Can you listen until I unwind into my own knowing?
Can you just listen because I have something I need to share and express?
Can you listen and allow me my process?
Can you listen just for listening sake?

Can you listen with compassion?
Can you listen with understanding?

Can you understand everyone has something they are working through and even if you know all the answers, even if you think you know everything I am doing wrong, even if you think I should be over this by now, can you just listen?

Can you listen and know that I just need to talk.

I don’t need you to tell me what to do.

I don’t need you to tell me what to say.

I don’t need you to protect me from myself.

I don’t need you to educate me about everything I am doing wrong.

I don’t need you to tell me how ridiculous I am being.

I need you to love me and I need you to listen.

When you really listen without the need to protect, judge, rescue, save or set straight, when you really listen just for the sake of listening, you give other people the relief of sharing what is going on for them. You give them the opportunity to find their own answers. When you listen you allow others to have their process. When you listen without judgement or thought about how they should navigate their life you allow them space to come to their own knowing and step into their own power. When you listen just for the sake of listening you offer the deepest healing of all.

And so for today practice listening. Hold back on advice giving. Hold back on judging. Hold back on thinking you know. Just listen. Just listen and send love and trust that the people in your life will find their own way, in there own time.

Listen and love. This is all that is asked of you for today.

Of course, there are times when advice giving is sometimes appropriate and even life saving. But it is only through deep listening that we will know when it is time to speak up.

(It is said that God gives us two ears and one mouth for a reason.)

For today, focusing on listening.

See how deeply you can listen and when you feel you want to advise, judge, correct, set straight or tell someone how absurd they are being, listen even deeper.  Make listening your utmost priority for today and let any words you speak come from this place of deep listening.

Your deep listening will allow others to unwind into their own answers.

Listen deeply today and offer someone something that is a rare and special gift: your time, your attention and your love. Listen deeply today and give others the space to share what is truly going on for them.  In this way, you will be a healing force in their world in a way that you can not fully fathom.  Be a safe harbor for those in your life.  Give the greatest gift of all.  Learn to listen.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.

May we all deepen our capacity to listen deeply and hear on a whole new level

P.S. As always, I write about what I most need to learn. And in that vein, I will be working on listening on a whole new level in 2019.

Thank you for listening to my words. I deeply appreciate your time and attention.

Blessings to us all.


Hayley Mermelstein
p.s.s. Our next Group Healing in Amherst, Ma. will be Monday, January 14th at 7 p.m.  We are located at 800 Main Street, Amherst, Ma. middle door in the front of the building. 

Our healing community and healing power is growing. Feel free to join us for this evening of light, love, healing, community and laughter.  We look forward to seeing you soon!