Everything You Want is Right Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone.

I saw a postcard the other day that said: Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone. I’m not sure if this is entirely true, but for the most part, the postcard had a good point.

As I looked at this card, I couldn’t help but reflect on a time in high school when I wanted to ask a boy to the prom. I had had a secret crush on this boy since I was 13 years old. I was too shy at 13 to say anything to him. The years went by and we were in different classes and had very little contact. When I was a junior in high school I was floundering hopelessly in advanced French and switched in desperation into a remedial French class. And there, in that class, much to my surprise, was the boy I had liked since I was 13 years old. I was seated right next to him. He and I became fast friends often talking before, after, and sometimes, during class. Even though we were clearly friends, I still sensed that he was somewhat oblivious about my feelings toward him.

Somewhere towards the middle of the year, I had a knowing that I wanted to ask him to our high school prom. This was definitely, without a doubt, outside of my comfort zone. This wasn’t something the girl did. What if he rejected me? Does he even like me at all? Am I making a fool of myself? All of these thoughts swirled through my head.

I still remember sitting by my phone with his phone number in my hand. I sat by the phone for two hours mustering up the courage to call him. I remember that I cried and didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t have friends I could talk to about this at the time and didn’t feel comfortable getting advice from family. So I sat on the floor in my bedroom and cried. Everything I wanted was indeed outside of my comfort zone.

I finally picked up the phone and called the phone number. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. His mother answered and handed the phone to the object of my affection and I simply asked him if he would like to go to the prom with me. He thought for a moment and then said, “sure.”

I wave of relief washed over me. Not so much because I got what I wanted, but rather because I had faced my fear and took action. If I remember correctly, I got off the phone and cried some more.

Two weeks later this boy called me asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner. We went out to dinner and thus began our three-year (very meaningful) relationship.

Everything you want is right out side of your comfort zone.

These days as I think about some of my next steps in life, I once again feel some of the fears that I felt at 17 years old. Old fears and even terrors come to the surface. I even thought to myself the other day, I can’t do this. I can’t do the things that I’m being asked to do. Fear and parallels overtook me.

In that moment, I did what I often do in these sorts of moments and I sat down and did a meditation. In that meditation a very simple phrase came into my head. The phrase was: I can do this.

As I sat in the stillness, as I sat in the fear and the feeling I can’t do this, somewhere from deep within a voice echoed: I can do this. I can do this.

The smaller me said, oh, yes, I remember now, I can do this. I forgot, I could.

I started sending love to the part of me that was afraid and trembling:

I love you.
I love you.

It’s going to be okay.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

And slowly, the feelings began to evolve and change. I quiet confidence and power began to arise in me and I began to grow a little stronger.

I love you.
I can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

I can do this.
I can do this.

I can do this.

I am confident.
I am confident.

I am powerful.
I am powerful.

I know who I am.

I can do this.
I can do this.

Now I would like to tell you that this is where the story ended and that I lived happily ever after never to face this particular fear again. But alas, that is not so.

I came out of the meditation stronger, only to forget the very next day all that I had just remembered.

(Reprogramming our mind and bodies is a process for sure).

And so, I sat in mediation the next day. The fear arose again and once again I heard the voice say: You can do this. You can do this. Oh yes, I forgot. I can do this. I can do this. I love you and I can do this.

And so it is a process, of stepping into our confidence and our power. Some days it comes naturally and some days we have to dig deep. Some days we feel like we are failing but even still we are moving closer to finding our strength and our confidence and our knowing that we can do that which is ours to do.

Everything we want is indeed right outside of our comfort zone. If this is the case then we are going to have to dig deep, find our confidence and wisdom, find our courage, send lots of love to ourselves and when the time comes to jump, we will need to jump.

We may still find ourselves crying on the bedroom floor sometimes but still, even so, if you listen deep enough, you will find there is a quiet voice within whispering to you. It is saying: You can do this. You can do this. It’s going to be okay. You can do this.

Blessings to us all.

Have a good weekend everybody. And if you liked this post and want to join with others who are working on overcoming there fears and stepping into a more empowered version of themselves please feel free to join our next group healing on Monday May 21rd or our weekly Thursday night meditation class. Both groups start at 7 p.m. and our drop in.

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

The Words We Say to Ourselves

The words we say to ourselves are powerful and can have a powerful impact on how we think, feel and act. We can learn to evolve how we think, feel and act by changing the words we say to ourselves and embodying new attitudes.

Our tendency is to want to achieve certain external achievements and from there have our state change. For example: We get the promotion at work and then we feel good about ourselves. Or we win the lottery and then we feel abundant. We get the positive health report and then we feel whole. But what would happen if we learned to change our state first and then observed how the external world responds.

As an example from my own life, I had a dilemma this morning and I felt very uncertain about how to proceed. Confusion and lack of clarity seemed to surround me. I decided to sit and meditate and cultivate a feeling of certainty, power and confidence, even though I didn’t know how to handle the situation at hand. (i.e. instead of waiting for the answer to my problem so that I could feel certain, I decided to cultivate a feeling of certainty and see what happens.

I sat in mediation for about an hour and half (sometimes it takes a while to change your state!) and I as I filled myself with certainty, confidence and power, a quiet knowing about how to hand my situation arose.

It was a good reminder to change our state first and then see what happens, as opposed to waiting for our outer world to change so we can feel certain emotions.

If you would like more assistance learning how to change your state separate from external conditions in your environment please join us for our weekly mediation groups at 7 p.m. on Thursday nights and our monthly Group healing at 7 p.m. on Monday nights (next group healing is Monday April 23rd)

For now I will leave you with this exerpt from the meditation that I wrote this morning to help move me from confusion to clarity. Be aware as you read these affirmations how they begin to change your state.

I am certain. I am powerful. I am confident.

Take a moment now and affirm:

I am certain.
I am certain.

I am powerful.
I am powerful.

I am confident.
I am confident.

Feel your certainty now.
Feel your confidence.
Feel your power.

There is a place within you that is already certain, confident, and powerful. Connect with this place within you now.

Feel it. Embody it.

There is greatness within you. You are spirit and you are divine. And as you connect with this place within you, you will have greater access to these qualities.

Give thanks now that these qualities already exist within you.

Thank you that I am filled with certainty.
Thank you that I am filled with confidence.
Thank you that I am filled with power.

Feel the certainty that lies at the core of your being.
Feel your power.
Feel your confidence.

Embody it now.
Feel it now.

I am certain.
I am powerful.
I am confident.

Embody these principles, separate from what is going on in your environment. As your thoughts and feelings change, you create a new attitude. As you create a new attitude, your vibration changes, as your vibration changes all of life can respond in a new way to you. Allow this to be your experiment for the week. Practice embodying a new attitude and see how this impacts you life.

And again if you would further help and assistance with this feel free to join our weekly meditation group on Thursdays at 7 p.m or our next group healing (Monday April 23rd at 7 p.m.). Both groups are drop in and held at 800 Main Street, Amherst, ma. (middle door in the front of the building.)

I look forward to seeing you soon.

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

My 11 Year Old Niece is Braver Than Me

It was the evening before Thanksgiving and I was tucking my 11 year old niece into bed. I was giving her a back rub (part of our night time tradition) to help her unwind from the days events. While I was massaging her back she turned to me and said: I told a boy I liked him today. I paused, somewhat surprised by her late night admission and said: “oh, I didn’t know that you liked a boy, What is his name?” She replied, and then I asked with genuine curiousity: What did he say?

He said he would let me know on Monday, she replied again.

Now I wasn’t sure what exactly he was going to let her know on Monday but I decided to let that go and continue with my line of questioning.

Will you be okay, no matter what he says on Monday?

Yes, she replied earnestly.

I’m just glad to get it out of my head, she added.

How long have you wanted to tell this boy that you liked him? I asked,

About two weeks, she said.

Wow. You are braver than me, I said. I’m not sure I could have done that at your age. (Actually, if truth be told, I wasn’t sure if I could do that now!)

After she drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but reflect on our conversation. I knew exactly what she meant when she said she was just glad to get it out of her head. I have found that when I don’t express something that genuinely needs to be expressed it can get stuck in my head and start to go round and round creating all kinds of havoc. I was genuinely so inspired by my niece’s bravery and boldness and her knowing that she needed to express.

In chakra language: the throat chakra is the center of healthy expression. It is also the center for growth and learning. When we hold back our natural expression, things stagnate and growth and learning slow down. When we express in a genuine and attuned way the energy moves, situations in our lives evolve (one way or the other) and we naturally grow and learn. Healthy expression helps move the energy in our bodies and in our lives.

How did the story with my niece end? I actually have no idea. I broke my foot playing soccer with my 12 year old nephew the next day and got distracted and forgot to ask. (not to worry, my foot is just about healed now and I will see my niece shortly.)

But, one thing I do know for sure, is that my niece slept well that night because she said what she needed to say and had surrendered the outcome. She got it out of her head and was at peace.

~Hayley Mermelstein