You are a gift.

I was sitting in my meditation this morning and while I was sitting an insecurity came over me. I was flooded with the feeling of not being good enough and wanting to run from a situation I was being guided toward. The urge to run was so strong but so was the urge to move towards.

What’s a girl to do?

Anyway, I sat in my meditation feeling somewhat tortured by my conflicting emotions when I heard a voice whisper: You are a gift. You have something valuable to offer to this situation. You are a gift. Stop holding back. You are a gift.

And this of course, this reminded me of a story.

About 20 years ago I attended a Tony Robbins workshop. During the workshop Tony would periodically have us pair up with a partner to discuss what we were learning and experiencing. There was an uneven number of people in my row and so I found myself pairing up with a man a few rows back. He would come and sit next to me during the partner time of the workshop and then return to his original seat when the discussion was complete.

During one of our conversations I felt really drawn to invite him just to sit next to me through out the workshop so that he didn’t have to keep moving seats. The impulse to ask him to move seats was really strong but I held back. I was afraid of giving him the wrong idea. I was afraid of imposing my will. I was concerned he wouldn’t want to move seats, etc… etc.. And so, I squashed the small voice within that said: Ask him to sit next to you.

The day continued on and still the voice within me persisted and began to get louder: Ask him to sit next to you, it demanded.

No, that is rude. My younger self shot back to my intuition (and wiser self.)

Why would he want to sit next to me anyway? He is happy where he is.

“Ask him to sit next to you” the voice persisted.

No, I am shy. I don’t want to ask him to sit next to me. I don’t want to impose on him. He seems happy where he is.

The voice at this point got so loud, that I actually couldn’t ignore it or fight it anymore. It was so loud that I could barely even concentrate during my paired discussions with this guy.

Hey, I said to the man whose name I could not even remember. Why don’t you move your seat and sit next to me so that you don’t have to keep moving around.

Sure, he said. Great idea.

(All that worry, for naught!)

Anyway, he moved his seat and sat next to me. Shortly after Tony had us turn to the person sitting next to us and give them a shoulder massage (This was something Tony had us do periodically through out the day. And, btw, I was a massage therapist, so this was my specialty). Had I not asked this man to move seats he would not have been sitting beside me for this exercise. I gave this man a short shoulder massage and then he started to cry.

During our next partner interaction he confided in me that he had grown up in an abusive household and had never in his life had nurturing touch or massage and was very shy about physical touch. He had been sitting alone before I asked him to sit next to me (which I hadn’t realized) and so no one had given him a massage yet during the day long workshop.

He said me giving him that short massage was incredibly meaningful for him and had helped him to break through a lifetime blockage of letting other people touch him.

I sat somewhat stunned by the story. No wonder the voice in my head was so insistent. No wonder I needed to ask this man to sit next to me. And to think I almost missed this opportunity to contribute to his life in this way because I was feeling insecure.

I heard the voice whisper to me again and this time it said: You are a gift. Value yourself. You are a gift. Stop holding back. You are a gift. You are a gift. You are a gift.

How often do we hold back our gifts to the world because we are not valuing ourselves enough? How often do our insecurities prevent us from helping another or stepping into our full potential or following our own flow and guidance? How can we value ourselves more and remember the truth of who we are? How can we stop holding ourselves back and step into our full contribution, our full service, and our fullest version of ourselves?

I think we have to start by seeing ourselves as a gift. No matter how flawed we may be. No matter how many weaknesses and insecurities we may have. We all have gifts to offer this world.

I had no idea that following my intuition and guidance that day would be so important. I had no idea that massaging his shoulders would be one of the turning point of his life.

I shutter to think what would have happened had I not listened to my inner guidance, had I been too shy or hesitant to ask this guy to move his seat.

I continued to sit next to this man throughout the day. We continued to share our experiences and even did a second massage exchange. At the end of the day we hugged and he thanked me for asking him to sit next to me and for helping him to break out of his fear of people and touch and isolation. We hugged and went our separate ways.

I gave him my gift of compassion and nurturing touch and he reminded me that I am a gift and to stop holding back. Our work together was done and we both went back into our lives a little stronger.

Perhaps he was the whole reason I attended that workshop to begin with.

And so I remind myself now and all of us:

You are a gift.
Stop holding back.

The world needs your light.
The world needs your full contribution.

Let go of the self absorption:
What will they think? What will they say? Will I be rejected?

Let it all go.

Stop thinking so much about yourself and how you will be perceived and start thinking about how you can contribute to the lives of others.

Start thinking about how you can listen more deeply and follow your deepest guidance.

Start thinking about the fact that you are a gift and have gifts to offer this world.

Stop indulging in insecurities and value yourself and offer that which you came to offer.

Affirm frequently:

I love myself.
I love myself.

I value myself.
I value myself.

I am a gift.
I am a gift.

I have gifts to offer this world.
I have gifts to offer this world.

I hold back no longer.
I take my foot off the brake.

Spirit guide my steps.
Show me where I am needed.

Remove my insecurities and fill me with the awareness that I am a gift so that I can offer what I’ve come to offer.

I take my foot off the brake.
Use me as you will.

I am the humble servant.
I am the here to serve.

I am filled with greatness.
I offer my full contribution.

I am a gift.
I am a gift.
I am a gift.

~Hayley Mermelstein

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