Accepting the apology that you never received.

“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”~ Robert Brault

I had a dream a few nights back about a friend whom I had a falling out with several years ago. In the dream, I went to her with the hopes of receiving an apology for all that had transpired between us (I had already apologized for my part of our falling out.). I was ready to let go and forgive and move on. The only thing I needed was her to apologize and own her part, and then I could finally be free. In the dream she acted as if nothing had ever happened between us and seemed oblivious to my pain. In the dream I started to cry and actually started begging her to see my suffering and apologize. She looked past me and started talking about something inconsequential.

I awoke knowing that I would never get the apology that I desired.

What is a poor soul to do?

As I have reflected on this dream and this relationship, I realized that I had given my power away. I wanted resolve, I wanted healing, I wanted to forgive and move on. I didn’t want to damage my body with anger or hurt or feelings of betrayal anymore. But in order to be free I had constructed a scenario where I needed an apology from someone who was never particularly good at being sensitive to my feelings.

I realized that “needing” an apology to feel complete or resolved was, in a sense, putting my freedom into someone else’s hands. “If they apologize, then I can fully forgive and move on. If they apologize, I can find the resolve I am looking for. If they acknowledge my pain, I can be free.”

In my moment of awakening (literally) I realized that I could take my power back. I realized that my friend’s process was really her business. My process was my business. And so I decided to take my power back and give myself full permission to forgive, let go, and find the resolve that I desired. I decided to accept the apology that I never received.

And then I wrote the following affirmation to assist me in this process:

I forgive you.

I forgive you.
I forgive you.

You are good and you are learning and
You are flawed, just like everyone is flawed.

You are human and you are learning, and you are spirit and you are filled with greatness.

You have strengths and you have weaknesses.

I acknowledge your strengths and your gifts, and I forgive your flaws.

You are learning and growing just like everyone else.

I forgive you.
I forgive you.

In forgiving you, I set myself free.
In forgiving you, I free myself from my pain.
In forgiving you, my body is healed and I am made whole.

I forgive you, and I am free and you are free.

I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me what you came to teach me.
I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me not to be so naïve in relationship.

I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me to not make my healing contingent on something outside of myself.

I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me to step into my full power and stop playing the victim.

I forgive you and I thank you for the friendship shared and the lessons learned.

I forgive you and I set you free.
I forgive you and I set myself free.

May you find peace and
May I find peace.

The earth is a school.
We have come for growth and we have come for learning and we have come for enjoyment and for service.

May I grow and learn and may you grow and learn.
May healing come to both of us.

A plate of forgiveness, understanding and compassion all around.

I accept your apology.
I am whole and complete now.

And, I forgive myself too.

I forgive myself for my mistakes.
I forgive myself for my flaws.
I forgive myself for the times I was insensitive or out of alignment or out of balance.

I forgive you and I forgive myself.

Our union was a karmic one filled with joy, and learning, and love, and pain.

I forgive.
I forgive.

I forgive and I understand.
I forgive and I understand.
I forgive and I understand.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Have a good weekend everyone and if you feel inspired, join us for our Free Tong Ren Chakra Balancing Teleclass Sunday August 7th. The call in number is: 413-259-8048. I look forward to joining you on the call!

All the experts disagree.

There are those that insist that if you are to be a true writer you must write everyday.

And then there are those who insist that if you are to be a true writer you must wait until the spirit moves you.

And there are those that insist that you must not eat meat.
And there are those that insist that you must eat meat if you are to be healthy.

There are those that insist that you must say yes and
There are those that insist that you must say no.

There are studies that prove this.
And studies that say this is absolutely not so.

In the end we must learn to quiet all the external voices and opinions so that we may hear the small, still, quiet voice within that is always guiding us.

All the experts disagree.
What is gospel one minute is heresy the next.

Take in the opinions of others, but in the end do what resonates with your own inner being.

Take full responsibility for your life and do not be overly influenced by the opinions of others, even experts.

Come to know yourself and come to listen to your own inner spirit which has a wisdom that can guide you.

Listen deeply and the way will be revealed.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Hurt or compassion, which will it be?

For a variety of reasons, I’ve been thinking a lot about some of my past relationships, especially the ones that ended in hurt or pain. I’ve been contemplating the many ways my unresolved feelings may be impacting my physical body and my life in general. As I contemplate these past relationships I realize that I have a choice. I can be hurt and angry or I can feel compassion. It is as simple as that. If I chose to be hurt and angry then I damage my body and I get the great privilege of playing the victim. If, however, I choose to feel compassion for all concerned, then I elevate my own state and get to feel the empowerment that comes from stepping boldly into compassion.

I’ve always believed that being judgmental takes no skill. It is something anyone can do and that offering compassion instead of judgment is where the finesse lies.

I recently realized that feeling hurt and playing the victim also takes no real skill. It is easy to respond with hurt to the many injustices that we endure even in a given day. But still, no matter how justified we may be, if we are to step into our full potential, if we are to become all that we are meant to be, we must find the place within ourselves that can turn the voice of poor me into the voice of compassion for ourselves, others and for the human condition.

Everyone is flawed and everyone is learning and growing. These flaws cause us and others to act in ways that can be quite out of balance, and yet the choice still remains, will we respond with hurt or will we respond with compassion?

Compassion can be tricky because sometimes we are asked to respond to an injustice that we don’t understand. This lack of understanding can make it challenging to find our compassion. And yet the truth remains that our true nature and our highest expression is compassion.

And as I write, I hear the following message:

Seek to feel the compassion first and then understanding will follow. If you try to understand first you may get lost. Seek instead to express your true nature in all circumstances. Know that everyone is learning and growing and everyone has deep wounds that are not always obvious on the surface. Regardless if you understand or not, regardless of how impacted you were by the imbalances, seek to return to your true nature. Do this for yourself.

No injustice is worth losing touch with your true nature. No injustice is worth losing the best part of who you are. No injustice is worth sacrificing your health for.

Dig deep and remember the truth of who you are. You are an infinite being of light. You are an infinite being of compassion. You are an infinite being of love and light and joy and beauty.

Affirm now:

I am an infinite being of light.
I am an infinite being of love.
I am an infinite being of compassion.
I am an infinite being of joy.
I am an infinite being of power.

Step into your true power now. Stop playing the role of the victim. This is keeping you stuck in ways that you cannot even image. Let go of playing the victim and reclaim your health and vitality. Let go of playing the role of the victim and step into the infinite compassionate, loving being that you are. You may still walk away from situations and people that no longer meant to be part of your path, but you can do so from a place of power and compassion rather than hurt and wounding.

Step into your true nature now.

Step into your power.
Step into your love.
Step into your compassion.

Be in your power. Bring forward the best that lies within. Do this for yourself. Do this for your health. Do this for your world.

An eye for an eye and the whole world becomes blind.
Let this pattern stop with you.

Set a new tone.
Set a new standard.

Offer love in the face of betrayal.
Offer compassion in the face of lies.
Offer the best that lies within you.

Let no one take this from you.
Offer your best and live your life in peace.

Life keeps an accurate scorecard.
You do not have to even the score.

Simply aspire to be the best that you can be and allow life to unfold.

Affirm frequently:

I am an infinite being of compassion.
I offer my compassion to the world.
I offer the best that lies within me.
I play the victim no more.
I step into my power and I offer my love and my compassion even to those who cannot offer the same to me.

This is my achievement and my accomplishment.

I offer my simple plate of compassion to all.
I offer my simple plate of compassion to all.

And this is my gift and my legacy.

And so it is.
And so it is.

How Can I Help?

I was meditating Friday morning and this short prayer (question) started going through my head. I wrote it down but wasn’t planning on sending it since it seemed sort of personal to me. But in light of everything going on in our world I decided I would share it in case it offers some inspiration to you as well.

How may I help?

How can I offer a greater contribution?
How can I share my work in a bigger way?
How can I assist in raising consciousness?

How may I help?

How can I help others more while remaining true to myself?
How can I offer more without getting taken advantage of?
How can I help others with out overstepping or intruding?

How may I help?

What do I need to let go of so that I may step into greater contribution?

How may I help?

Spirit please use me for your highest good.

There is so much suffering here on earth and so much to learn as well.

Use me as an agent of your love.

Help me to raise my own consciousness so that I may do what I’ve come here to do.

Help me to raise consciousness so that we can all make choices that are in alignment of our highest good.

Help me to raise consciousness on the planet so that there can be greater peace and on the earth.

Help me to offer my full contribution.
Show me the way.

May I be a vehicle for the light.

Show me how I can help.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Honesty

I was talking recently with a friend in order to better understand what was going on in our relationship. As we talked I realized that I would not find clarity by talking with this person because she wasn’t being honest with herself.

I meditated on the situation when I returned home and received the following message on self honesty.

I thought I’d share it here, for its a good reminder that sometimes we just need to go into ourselves to get clear, rather than look for clarity outside of ourselves. (Though, of course, at other times, talking things out with another person can be enormously helpful!).

Honesty

If someone is not honest with themselves then they will not be able to be honest with you.

Do not take this personally.

Just be aware that they are not capable of being self honest at this time.

At times, you will not be able to find clarity by talking to another.

At times, you must go inward and find clarity by becoming clear within yourself.

Become clear within yourself and then carry out what you know to be true.

If you are not certain, then carry out, to the best of your ability, what you believe to be true.

Stand in your conviction but remain open.

As you live your life from this place of convinction and openness, you will gradually move into a deeper knowing about what is right for you.

Step into your clarity now, you know more than you realize.

Do not look to others to show you the way.

You are the way.

Allow your own clarity to guide you.

Express when you are guided to express, but remain true to your own perceptions and knowing.

Others my profess clarity but actually be confused.

Listen deeply to your own inner knowing and you will be guided in the path that is right for you.

Do not let the confusion of others throw you from your path.

Stay open.

Stay true.

But in the end listen deeply to your own inner wisdom.

As you do, the way forward will unfold.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Let peace begin with me.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
– St. Francis of Assisi

My friend’s 11 year old daughter, who I adore, got bullied at school this past week and was injured in a fight that ensued. I don’t know all the details, but I know that it’s hard to watch the real world encroach on this young girl’s childhood. I know, of course, that there are lessons to be learned all around. And I hold this in light. But more than anything else, the main thought that rushes through my head is:

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

How can we have a peaceful world when we have such violence and anger in our hearts?

How can the world transform when we can’t get along with our neighbors?

What if the violence in our world is a reflection of the violence in our hearts?

What if in attending to our own gardens we really can affect change?

What if the most effective way to create peace is to start with ourselves, our own hearts and our own minds?

I don’t propose to have any of the answers. I’m just a person trying to figure it out too. It’s ironic in a way, wars rage all around, but it is an incident with a child I personally love with that inspires me to attend to my own garden in a way nothing else has.

Can I be a more loving person?
Can I find more compassion for my fellow man?
Can I love and forgive myself more?
Can I love and forgive others?
Can I create more peace within myself?
Can I create a ripple affect that positively influences the world?

Yes, of course, there is outward action to be taken: phone calls to be made, principles to be talked with, parent meetings, etc..etc.. And these are all very important.

But energetically, the place that we have the most control is in our own hearts and minds.

What is the ripple effect that our own anger and animosity, and lack of forgiveness creates out in the world? What if everything out there really is an outward manifestation of our own hearts and souls?

And so with this in mind, and in an effort to heal my own soul, I affirm:

I am filled with peace.
I am filled with peace.

I love and care for myself and
I love and care for others.

I practice compassion.
I practice compassion.

I am filled with peace.
I am filled with peace.

What is my vibrational contribution?

Do I contribute love?
Do I contribute compassion?
Do I contribute balance?
Do I contribute peace?
Do I contribute forgiveness?

What are the far reaching ramifications of this?

Can I stay compassionate in the face of anger?
Can I stay compassionate in the face of ignorance?

Can I stay balanced in the face of violence?
Can I contribute peace in the face of war?
Can I clean up my own act so that I can an agent for change?

If we wish to see a change in this world we must in the words of Gandhi: “be the change we wish to see.”

And so, let peace begin with me.

Let me offer forgiveness in the face of offense.
Let me offer compassion in the face of anger.
Let me offer patience in the face of ignorance.

May my energetic contribution be one of compassion, love, sincerity, and forgiveness.

I know that I will be tested.
I know that I will falter.
I know that this will be a learning process for me and that I will fall.

But let me make the commitment for the sake of all the children in the world who suffer, for the sake of all the young soldiers at war, for the sake of women who are exposed to violence every day, and for the sake of men who live in fear of other men or other women.

Let me make the commitment to be the change I wish to see.

May I offer love to those who can’t offer love to me.
May I offer compassion to those who are unkind.
May I offer a sincere heart to those who are lost.

May I be the change I wish to see.

This is my commitment.
This is my prayer.
This is my journey.
This is my path.

May peace exist on earth, and may it begin with me.

~Hayley Mermelstein

P.S. For those that are interested we will be having our Free monthly group healing teleclass this evening at 7 p.m. Its a good opportunity to heal our own souls and create a ripple of peace to help heal our planet. Join us if you can.

Just call in at: 413-259-8048.

Learn to listen within.

There are those that insist that if you are to be a true writer you must write everyday.

And then there are those who insist that if you are to be a true writer you must wait until the spirit moves you.

And there are those that insist that you must not eat meat.

And there are those that insist that you must eat meat if you are to be healthy.

There are those that insist that you must say yes and
There are those that insist that you must say no.

There are studies that prove this.
And studies that say this is absolutely not so.

In the end we must learn to quiet all the external voices and opinions so that we may hear the small, still, quiet voice within that is always guiding us.

All the experts disagree and
What is gospel one minute is heresy the next.

Consider the opinions of others, but in the end do what resonates with your own inner being.

We are each unique and what we need varies.

For one person writing everyday perfects their art, and for another, writing when the spirit moves them is what allows their creativity to flourish.

Take full responsibility for your life, and do not be overly influenced by the opinions of others, even experts.

Come to know yourself and come to listen to your own inner spirit which has a wisdom that can guide you.

Listen deeply and the way will be revealed.

I am not your way home.

I took this week off from work to meditate and regroup a bit. After spending some time in quiet, this poem arose to the surface. Its been helpful for me to read and reread as a reminder to move more deeply into acceptance. Thought I’d share it with you in case it might be helpful.

Also, we will be having another free group meditation and group healing the last Sunday of October (October 25th) from 7-7:45 pm E.T. Be sure to mark your calendar if you are interested and keep an eye out for the reminders the weekend before.

I am not your way home.

And sometimes the people around us cannot be who we want them to be, because it is not who they are.

Sometimes the people around us cannot meet our expectations, for it is simply not where they are at yet, or the role they are meant to play in our lives.

Live and let live.

Let others be who and where they are.

Be deeply accepting now.

Do not look to others to be something that they are not.

Let go now and sit empty for a time.

Let go now and allow your life to unfold.

Let go now and allow life to bring the right people into your life.

Eventually, you will find your way home.

~Hayley Mermelstein

I let go, again.

I was working on letting go of an attachment this morning and was reminded that letting go is something we need to do everyday, all day. Wrote this blog post to assist us all in this process.

We can’t be reminded enough about the power and importance of letting go, every day. It is easy to feel that we had an issue and that we focused, and we let go and then think that our job is done. But, no, I’m sorry to report, life doesn’t seem to work that way.

In fact, it seems to me, that life is relentless in asking us to let go of our attachments to how we think things should be so that we can more deeply embrace the life that is meant for us.

Perhaps you need to let go of an attachment to how a child is behaving or perhaps you need to let go of an attachment to a friend or perhaps you need to let go of your attachment to how a particular area of your life is going.

Letting go of attachments doesn’t mean that we are letting go of our pure desire, it means that we are letting go of the fear and the tight grip around whatever situation we happen to find ourself in.

The irony, of course, is that once you let go of your attachments you are more able to read the energy and know how to best be in the situation. Clutching, neediness, and clinging, even when we are clinging to a noble idea, all block clarity and right action. So, it just makes sense to let go of our attachments frequently and see where life takes us.

Again, we don’t want to confuse letting go with complacency.

When we let go, we let go of our fears and our tight grip and our attachments to outcome. When we let go of our attachments, a natural clarity arises and we will actually know how to most effectively be with any situation in our life.

But don’t take my word for it.

Try it for yourself.

The next time that you find your self “too attached” to how something is going, (and I imagine, we all have something that instantly comes to mind!) experiment with just letting it go.

You can do this by simply affirming:

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

I know that situations in my life work out better when I’m not clinging, grasping, and holding on too tight and so it just makes sense to let go.

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

I let go and I surrender this situation to spirit.
I let go and I surrender this person to spirit.
I let go and I surrender this child into spirits hands.

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

I let go of my tight grip.
I let go of my neediness.
I let go of my clinging and my attachments to how I think it should be.

I let go and I surrender to a force of life that knows far better than I about how to heal and mend this situation.

I let go in the morning and
I let go in the evening and
I let go through out my day.

I don’t just let go once and think I’m done.

No,

I let go constantly.
I let go repeatedly.

Spirit:

Help me to let go.

Help me to let go of my limited, tight grip.

Help me to let go of my neediness, my clinging, and my attachments.

Help me to see beyond this limited situation.

Help to move me into a sense of possibility and unlimited potential.

Help me to step into the unlimited reality that exists.

Help me to let go of my tight grip so that the vastness of all that is can take over this situation.

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

I let go of my tight grip.
I let go of trying to control the vast ocean of life.
I let go of my limited point of view and perspective.

I let go and I step into my wisdom.
I let go and I step into the vastness of who I am.
I let go and I step into my infinite power.
I let go and I step into my unlimited nature.

When we cling, when we are attached, we become small.

Step into the vastness of who you are.
Step into the world of infinite possibilities.
Step into a world of unlimited potentials.

Your limited mind has no idea of the unlimited ways that your situation could heal and mend.

Let go of your limited way of being in the world.

Surrender and trust now.

Surrender to a force of life that knows what is needed.
Surrender to a force of life that is responsible for the creation of the universe.

Surrender.
Surrender.

Trust.
Trust.

Listen.
Listen.

Listen and do your part.
Listen and do what you are guided to do.

You will only be able to listen and follow guidance if you are actively working on letting go of your attachments.

It is when you let go of your tight grip that you can more easily read the energy and the currents of your life.

And so let this be your experiment.
Let this be your practice.

You have tried the way of tightness and gripping and attachments.

Now try this new way.

Practice letting go.

Allow the following affirmation to be your mantra:

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

Say it often, repeatedly, frequently.

Yes, it takes work to let go.

Do this for a few days and allow the results to amaze you.

You will step into greater clarity, greater wisdom, and greater power.

Places where you feel confused we become clear as deeper insight illuminates your mind.

Let this be your practice.
Let this be experiment.

Affirm frequently:

I let go.
I let go.

I let go and I step into my wisdom.
I let go and I step into my clarity.
I let go and I step into my power.

I let go.
I let go.

I let go and I lead a guided life.
I let go and I allow the vastness of life to show me the way.

I let go and I am free.
I let go and you are free.

I let go and we are all free.

We are free to align with a force of life that knows what is truly best and what is truly needed.

I let go.
I let go.

I let go in the morning.
I let go in the evening.

I let go all day long.

This is my practice.
This is my experiment.
This is my devotion.

This is my way of aligning with a force of life that has everyone’s best interest at heart.

When I let go, I am removing the blockages that come from attachment.
When I let go, I am removing the resistance.

When I let go, what is meant to come to me will come, and what is not meant will go.

And so,

I let go and I trust.
I let go and I surrender.

I let go and I step into the greatness of who I am.

I let go and I step into my greatness.
I let go and I step into my vastness.

I let go and I step into my true unlimited nature that does not cling.
I let go and I step into my infinite potential.

I do not limit my life by gripping tightly.
I do not make myself small by becoming attached.

No,

I fling open the doors to my heart and I let go and allow the awesomeness of life to lead the way.

I let go and I align with this powerful force of life that knows what is best.

I let go of my little self and step into the vastness of who I truly am.

I let go of my little agendas and step into infinite potential.
I let go of my holding tight and let the great I am run the show.

I let go.
I let go.

I let go and I step into my greatness.
I let go and I step into my greatness.

I let go.
I let go.

I let go and I step into the vastness of who I am.
I let go and I step into the vastness of who I am.

I let go.
I let go.

My attachments keep me small.
My attachments keep my life small.

And so,

I let go.
I let go.

I let go.
I let go.

And then:

I let go some more.
I let go again and again and again.

This is my practice.
This is my agenda.
This is my work.

I let go.
I let go.
I let go.

~Hayley Mermelstein
c.2015

The mind and body are one.

I was having dinner with a friend last night and she was telling me that she was really struggling with asthma flair up and was having trouble breathing. It turns out that the asthma flair up started soon after the death of a close friend. In Chinese Medicine grief weakens the lungs, so it’s not uncommon for people dealing with grief to develop lung issues. My friend had also recently been eating more dairy than usual. Dairy is also a common trigger for asthma.

I was also struggling somewhat. I had recently had flair up of my allergies, which had been dormant for years. The flair up coincided with a high mold count in the air (I’m sensitive to mold), a return to eating wheat (a food I generally avoid), and an emotional upset I was having with a friend. I had developed an almost uncontrollable cough due to the allergy.

The physical health symptoms we experience can come about due to a number of reasons. They can come about due to allergic reactions to foods, side effects from medications, vitamin deficiencies, and past injuries. They can come about due to environmental factors such as pollution, gmo’s, contaminated water, ticks, or radiation exposure. They can also come about due to emotional issues. For example, if there is something you need to say and are not saying you might develop a cough, or a hoarse voice or thyroid issues. If you are experiencing a lot of grief it may affect your lungs. If you are experiencing a lot of resentment and anger it might affect your joints or your skin. The possibilities of how are emotions can affect our body are endless.

If you are experiencing health issues, you may want to pause and ask yourself what the contributing factors might be. I paused in the middle of my allergic reaction and saw several things. I saw that I had started eating wheat again, and that the wheat was weakening my immune system. I also saw that I was feeling like a victim in one of my friendships and that feeling like a victim was also weakening my immune system. I saw that I needed to step into my power and confidence. So, instead of focusing on feeling hurt by my friend, I started affirming to myself:

I am powerful.
I am powerful.

I feel powerful.
I feel powerful.

I embody power.
I embody power.

I am a powerful being of light.
I am a powerful being of light.

I have the power to influence.
I have the power to influence.

I use my power in service to all of humanity.
I use my power in service to all of humanity.

My words are powerful.
My words are powerful.

I am powerful.
I am powerful.

I am filled with the power of spirit.
I am filled with the power of spirit.

I am a powerful being of light.
I am a powerful being of light.

It was sort of amazing, but as I started shifting from a victim mentality to a mentality of confidence and power, my physical symptoms begin to subside (I started coughing and sneezing much less). The symptoms didn’t go away completely, but they definitely became more manageable. The next day when I decided to fully express myself to my friend, my cough quickly subsided and health began to return to my body.

I share all of this today as a reminder of the impact that our emotions play on our health.

Take a moment to assess your internal environment. How might the thoughts and feeling you are having be impacting your physical body?

When I shifted my thoughts and feelings from that of a victim to that of being a powerful being of light my physical symptoms improved. When I said what I needed to say, my cough improved.

Practice addressing your physical symptoms on many levels. What food choices do you need to change? What vitamins do you need to add? Do you need to exercise more or less? Are you getting enough sleep? What feelings do you need to work on? Are you resentful and angry? How might that be impacting your health? Are you not saying what you need to say? How is that blocking your energy? Are you struggling with lack of self acceptance? How might that be impacting your well being?

Practice elevating your thoughts and feelings and see how this impacts your physical body. Let this be your experiment for the week.

If you would like additional assistance with this be sure to check out our You Tube Page at: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjOQSO4tSZN1ltGeb-KFC7w where there are lots of inspiring videos that can assist you in elevating your emotional state.

I am also available for in person and phone consultations to help understand and address these various issues.

Again, there are many reasons for the health issues we face. Emotional factors are just one piece. But since this is an area where we can exert influence it can be helpful to really examine our emotional state and elevate our awareness where we can.

Have a good week.

Hayley Mermelstein