How Are You?

I was at work this morning when suddenly I heard rock music blasting from the office next door. Since I’m an acupuncturist who offers peaceful, soothing sessions I felt I needed to address this right away. It was a cold New England morning and so I put on my hat and coat and scarf and ventured next door to deal with the noise issue.

The neighbors agreed to lower their music, and on my way back to my office I bumped into the property manager and I figured that this was as good a time as any to fill him in on what had been transpiring. With limited time and the cold wind howling I launched right in and began to let him know what was going on and what I thought should be done about it. But somewhere in the middle of my diatribe I heard a still small voice whisper: Ask him how he is.”

Now, I have learned when I hear a still small voice speaking to me to stop and listen and so I stopped mid sentence, turned to the property manager and said: You know I launched right in, I want to stop and ask you how you are. How are you, by the way?

I paused and really made space to hear his answer and this big burly guy who generally doesn’t say very much and is sort of rough around the edges looked at me and said, Not very good.

And then he started to cry.

The wind was howling and I was cold but I just stood there so thankful that something in me told me to stop talking and start listening. And so I stood there and I listened for a while and the property manager talked.

He told me his dog had died unexpectantly two nights ago. His dog was his constant companion, perhaps the deepest bond this loner had on the planet. And so I put aside my concerns about this and that for another time and just let him tell me about his special bond with his dog.

And the wind howled and he talked and I thought but for the grace of God go I. But for the grace of God that I heard that voice that told me to ask him how he was.

I had good reason to be in a rush that morning and to be distracted. I still had a client on the table with acupuncture needles in. It was cold outside. The wind was blowing. The neighbors where being really loud at 10:30 in the morning. The massage therapist in my office was waiting to here what was going on with the noise issue. But something in me said just stop. Stop moving so fast. Ask this man how he is.

I share this story as a reminder to all of us because I almost missed this moment, this opportunity to help a fellow traveler on this journey called life. I was distracted, I was annoyed. I almost was so wrapped up in myself that I could have missed the moment.

This was a good reminder to me that everyone is suffering and everyone has some pain they are carrying.   It was a good reminder to slow down and be present. It was a good reminder, to remember to look people in the eye from time to time and ask: How are you and really listen to their answer.

People will talk if you will listen.

Find someone to comfort this weekend. Find someone to ask: how are you? It could be someone in your life, or a store clerk or the teller at the bank. You never know where you might be needed.

So often we look for grand, lofty ways to be helpful. Sometimes the best contribution we can offer another on this planet is to care enough to ask: How are you and listen to the answer.

Have a good weekend everyone. May the force be with you. And may you lighten someones burden and may someone lighten your burden as well.

And if you want to join with others in the spirit of community and healing and transformation, we will be having our group healing at 800 Main street, this Monday, March 11 from 7-8:30 at 800 main Street in Amherst. The class is drop in and all are welcome.

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

Already Loved

I was listening to a young woman speak about how she was always striving for something just out of reach: more money, more love, more beauty, more weight loss etc…etc.. She decided for a while to stop all the striving and just see herself as already there.  She decided to stop the what I want is just out of reach tape and just embody and feel what she hoped to feel in the future, as if it was here now.

This mirrored much of what I have been learning about lately, where you adopt the frequency of what you want to achieve as if it where here now.

For example, if you want to have more wealth you would carry the vibration of a wealthy person and allow wealth to be drawn to you.  If you desired more love, you would carry the vibration of a person who was already loved and see what shows up differently when you show up differently.

(I know this sounds a little crazy, but just bear with me here….)

The basic philosophy is that it is hard to create from a place of lack.  If you feel like there is never enough love, it’s hard to create a life filled with love.  If you always feel you don’t have enough money, it’s hard to actually generate a life of abundance.  The philosophy is in a nut shell, change your vibration and see what shows up differently. Or to put it another way, nothing changes until you change.  Or to put it a third way, one of the definitions of insanity is to do the same thing (or repeat the same thoughts) day after day and expect things to show up differently.

Now I’m not entirely sure if this philosophy is accurate or not but what I do know for sure is that it is not very fun, or expansive, or life affirming to walk around all day with a feeling of lack, i.e. not enough money, not enough love, not enough weight loss, not enough fun, etc…etc..

What would it be like to adopt a feeling of enough and just feel thankful in advance?  What might change if we stopped running the there is not enough tape?  What might change if we elevated our vibration, changed our frequency and radiated a new electromagnetic field out into the universe.  What might change, if we stopped running the same old tapes in our mind and had some new thoughts for a change?

It is in this vein, that I wrote Already loved.  You may want to read it slowly and embody the statements as if they are already here now.  You may want to pick one of two statements and practice going through the day embodying a new energy.  For example:  You could go through the day embodying the feeling of a wealthy woman or go through the day as if all your needs were already meet or go through the day as if your life was filled with love.

Let this be a fun experiment.  What shows up differently, when you show up differently?

No one needs to know about this experiment, by the way.  It can just be your own subtle shift in energy and personal experiment with life.

Already loved.

I am already loved.
I am already cared about.
I am already surrounded by friends.
I am already surrounded by the love of my life.

All my needs are already met.

I am already beautiful.
I am already the perfect weight.
I am already sexy and attractive.

All my needs are already met.

I am already filled with great devotion.
I am already of great service in the world.
I am already offering my full contribution.

All my needs are already met.

I am already very wealthy.
I am already very abundant.
I am already wildly successful.

All of my needs are already met.

I am already seen.
I am already valued.
I am already cared about.

All my needs are already met.

I am already having great travel experiences.
I am already having great adventures.

I am already living a life of adventure and fun.

All of my needs are already met.

I am already in great shape physically.
I am already working out on a regular basis.
I am already enjoying my body.

All of my needs are already met.

I am already in excellent health.
I am already feeling really well in my body.
I am already radiating wellness.

All of my needs are already met.

I am already loving myself.
I am already taking really good care of myself.
I am already appreciating myself.

All of my needs are already met.

I am already well.
I am already whole.
I am already abundant.
I am already confident.
I am already powerful.
I am already strong.
I am already humble.
I am already compassionate.
I am already loving.
I am already wise.
I am already deep.
I am already creative.
I am already in high demand.
I am already well able.
I am already capable.
I am already very satisfied.

All of my needs are already met.
All of my needs are already met.
All of my needs are already met.

Walk to your car as if all of your needs are already met.
Go to work as if you already are a wealthy man or women.
Go through your day as if you are already wildly loved in just the way you want to be loved.
Go through the day today as if your needs are already met.

Be thankful.
Be appreciative.
Be relieved.

Embody it as if it is already here now.

Let this be your experiment with life.

Do if for an hour, a day, a week or even a year.
See what shows up differently, when you show up differently.

Radiate a new electromagnetic signature out into the field.
See what changes when you change.

I’ll be practicing along beside you.
Or perhaps,  I am already there.

Hayley Mermelstein

All My Needs Are Met

A teacher of mine has been talking lately about how he is embodying the attitude: All my needs are met. It’s an experiment of sorts. He is examing what changes when he embodies a new attitude, a new state of mind.

Many of us, myself included, carry a fair amount of limited attitudes: attitudes (based in lack) such as: No one understands me. My needs don’t matter. There is never enough, etc..etc.. What affects do these states of mind have on our life? In what ways are they influencing how things show up in our lives?

There is a theory, that nothing changes until we change. So if we want things to start to show up differently in our lives, we have to begin to embody a new attitude and a new way of being. In other words, if we want things to change, we have to show up differently.

We tend to approach change from the opposite angle. We want things in the outer world to show up differently, so that we can feel differently inside of ourselves.

For today, you may want to experiment with changing and evolving your inner state first and then be aware of how things begin to show up differently in your life.

Though this may sound simple, at times it can require a great deal of focus, for these old tapes that we play are well grooved into our mind and psyche. And yet still, the fact remands, that if we want to grow and evolve we ultimately need to upgrade these tapes.

And so you may want to pick a limited attitude that you want to evolve and change and begin the process of embodying a new attitude. Do this as an experiment. What shows up differently when you show up differently? What changes when you change?

Rather than wait for external circumstances to change so that you can feel better, see what happens when you begin to embody a new state of mind first and see what reconfigures on your behalf.

I’m still working on these principles and learning how to change my state ahead of the external event. For now I’ll be working on shifting from a feeling of lack to a feeling of all my needs are met and seeing what shows up differently when I show up differently. It will be a work in progress for sure.

I thought I’d leave you with a short affirmation/meditation that I wrote on embodying the attitude of: All my needs are met in case you too would also like to upgrade your thinking and feeling in this regard.

All my needs are meet.

Take a moment now and take a deep breath.

Allow your attention to go inward, going deeper and deeper inside of yourself.

Repeat the affirmation:

All my needs are met.

All my needs are met.

All my needs are met.

Feel the vibration of the words.

Allow the vibration to wash over you.

All my needs are met.

All my needs are met.

All my needs are met.

Feel it.

Embody it.

Shift your vibration now.

Imagine what it would be like to really feel as if all of your needs were met.

Embody it as if it were here now.

Change your energy.

Radiate this new frequency out into the world.

Allow this frequency to influence how things show up for you rather than waiting for the external world to provide you what you need so that you can feel a certain way.

Change your energy first and see how things begin to show up differently.

Begin to feel gratitude in your heart. Give thanks as if it is already here now (because, of course, gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership!)

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all that I need comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that all that I need comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that divine synchronicities are happening everyday.

Thank you spirit that miracles are happening all around me.

Thank you spirit that love comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that abundance comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that loving people fill my world.

Thank you spirit that new opportunities are pouring into my life.

Thank you spirit that all those that I can assist and help are irresistably drawn to me now.

Thank you spirit that my world contribution is growing.

Thank you spirit that my service is expanding.

Thank you spirit that abundance is pouring in.

Thank you spirit that love is all around me.

Thank you spirit that everything I need comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that everything I need comes to me with ease.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Embody this now.

Raise your energy.

Raise your vibration.

Radiate the feeling that all my needs are met out into the world.

Radiate a new frequency out into the universe.

How would it feel if all of your needs were met?

Embody that feeling now.

Radiate that feeling now.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Feel it.

Embody it.

Radiate it.

Feel it as if it is here now.

Embody it as if it is here now.

Radiate it as if it is here now.

Raise your vibration.

Raise your frequency.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Thank you spirit that all of my needs are met.

Pause frequently through out your day today to raise your energy, to change your vibration and radiate a new frequency out into the universe. Be aware of what changes when you change. Allow this to be your great experiment with life.

You’ve done it the old way for most of your life (waiting for something outside of you to change so that you could feel differently). Experiment today with changing your frequency first and seeing what shows up differently.

You can do this in a sitting meditation. You can practice as you exercise, as you go for a walk, as you stand in line at the bank, when you are on hold on the phone, when you are waiting for a friend.

Use the pauses in your day to raise your vibration and change your frequency.

Again ,let this be your grand experiment with life.

I will be experimenting with you and look forward to seeing what transpires.

~Hayley Mermelstein

 

 

 

 

Love is my meditation.

I was walking on a beach in Cancun with 900 other classmates, headphones on, doing my walking meditation when suddenly the guided meditation that I was listening to stopped working.  I froze for a moment unsure of what to do or how to proceed.

Suddenly, a workshop volunteer appeared and offered to help with my phone and meditation.  Within minutes he got it working again and I could hear the guided meditation.  I was flooded with appreciation for this volunteer and was expressing it profusely.

He turned to me and said, “ I am totally happy to help, love is my meditation.:

His words reverberated in my head.

Love is my meditation.

What would it be like to make love my meditation, I wondered?  Here I am on a 7-day meditation retreat, could I go home and make love my mediation?  I felt inspired by the challenge I was thinking about implementing.

Fast forward six month later.

I have plans with a friend but circumstances change and I unexpectedly need to cancel.  She is upset and disappointed with me….again.

I begin to feel guilty, misunderstood and resentful.  Can’t she see that I have needs too?  Can’t she see that I’m not just here to serve her?  Can’t she see that she holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself?

Stop.

I catch myself.

I’m feeling like a victim.  Running the poor me, no one understands me tape.

What if love really was my meditation, like, right now.

I’m driving as I have this thought and so right there and then as I’m turning right at the red light I start meditating on love as I drive (with eyes open of course!)

Love.
Love.
Love.

Love is my meditation.

I say to myself.  Allowing myself to feel the vibration of the words.

Love.
Love.
Love.

But it’s not fair, she has a double standard.  She holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself, my analytical mind retorts.

Love is my meditation; I shoot back at my brain that desperately wants to run its familiar tapes.

Love.
Love.
Love.

Feel it.
Embody it.

(I say to myself.)

Love is my mediation.
Love is my meditation.

And so I drive along this way for another minute or two. Overcoming the voices that want me to be a victim, misunderstood, and alone, and meditating instead on love.

I don’t’ wait till I get home.  I don’t wait until I’m in a formal meditation.  I just keep repeating, feeling, and embodying the mantra:

Love.
Love.
Love.

And slowly my heart begins to open again and I am feeling love and a new thought enters my head (In my now more elevated state my mind is more coherent and I am able to hear guidance)and I hear a male voice say to me:  You are modeling self-care, something she knows nothing about.

And suddenly everything changes.  I am no longer hurt.  I am no longer feeling misunderstood   I am no longer feeling resentful.

Suddenly I see what is so obvious.

My friend doesn’t know how to take care of herself and so she gets resentful and upset when I model self-care.  If I can stay steady, then I model a new way of being for her and subtly give her permission to take care of herself too.

If I get upset and hurt at her lack of understanding of me, I muddy the waters and we both get caught in a cycle of frustration and reactivity.

She may hear the message I’m sending now, or it may take years or even life times to sink in.  But now  rather than feeling misunderstood I feel like a role model.   Instead of feeling hurt and victimized, I feel compassion for my friend who works herself to the bone and spends her life meeting the needs of others without any thought or consideration of her own needs.   I am flooded with true love and understanding.

Life gives us many opportunities within a day to practice love as our meditation.  In fact, perhaps its better to start cultivating the feeling of love before the need even arises, so that we are more prepared for the tests that life will inevitability throw our way.

The theory is that when you can maintain an elevated state, such as love, for an extended period of time, your heart comes into greater balance and creates something called heart coherence.  When your heart becomes coherent it sends a clear signal to your brain which causes the brain to become coherent.  When your heart and brain are coherent, you become coherent.

When you find yourself in these more balanced states, your health can improve, you mind can settle and you can gain access to greater wisdom and clarity, and decision making can become easier.

So practice love as your meditation today and practice achieving greater coherence in your heart and brain and see what miracles unfold in your body, mind and life.

I’ll be practicing right along with you, doing the work that is challenging to do  and yet can pay such high dividends.

And If you live in New England, have a nice snow day!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

P.S. After writing this blog, I also realized that my friend is also a teacher for me.  She is teaching me to not be such a people pleaser and do my best to listen to guidance rather than try to please those around me.  Its an ongoing lesson and experiment in trial and error for sure.

 

 

Your Inner Roommate is Trying to Kill You.

I was reading a book called The Untethered Soul some time ago and early in the book the author had you personify the voice in your head.  In other words, he had you imagine that the voice in your head was your inner roommate.  He wanted you to listen to how this inner roommate is talking to you.  He pointed out that inevitably you realize that your inner roommate is trying to kill you and that if such a person actually existed you would quickly eliminate them from your life.

Recently, I was listening to some of the things that my inner roommate was saying to me, and I too decided that, in fact, my inner roommate was trying to kill me.

So I wrote a letter to myself, the kind that I would want to receive from a loving friend or parent.

I thought I’d share the letter with all of you, in case you too have an inner roommate that is trying to do you in.

We must all learn to overcome the voices in our head that are trying to sabotage us our efforts and rise up into our own power and strength.

This is not an easy task and in the words of a teacher of mine, if this was easy, everyone would do it.

And yet, still, the task remains: To replace the violent inner roommate who is trying to keep us small (it feels safer that way) with a wonderful inner cheerleader who supports our expansion and growth.

Here is my love letter from the divine.

I hope it softens the voices in your head and allows you to go forward with a little more strength and confidence today.

Read frequently for it takes some time to retrain the voices in our head.

Tell yourself what you long to hear.

And remember, in the words of Vincent Van Gogh:

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

Love letter from the divine.

I love you.
I love you.

You can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

You are powerful.

I love you.
I love you.

You are beautiful.

I love you.
I love you.

I believe in you.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.

I love you.
I love you.

You got this.

I love you.
I love you.

Rise up.

I love you.
I love you.

You are capable.

I love you.
I love you.

You are strong.

I love you.
I love you.

You are a genius.

I love you.
I love you.

You are creative.

I love you.
I love you.

Open to receive.

I love you.
I love you.

You are magnificient.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop scaring yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

You are never alone.

I love you.
I love you.

Powerful beings of light are all around you.

I love you.
I love you.

All of life is conspiring in your favor.

I love you.
I love you.

All of life is working with you to manifest what you need.

I love you.
I love you.

One touch of divine favor changes everything.

I love you.
I love you.

Expand your idea of what you are capable of.

I love you.
I love you.

You can bring expansion into your life.

I love you.
I love you.

You are more than enough.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop playing small.

I love you.
I love you.

The divine is everywhere.

I love you.
I love you.

You are surrounded in light.

I love you.
I love you.

Let us work with you to manifest what you need.

I love you.
I love you.

You are supported.

I love you.
I love you.

Devote yourself to service.

I love you.
I love you.

We are walking you home.

I love you.
I love you.

Be kinder to yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

Stop scaring yourself.

I love you.
I love you.

You can do this.
You can do this.

I love you.
I love you.

You deserve goodness.
You deserve goodness.

Open to receive.
Open to receive.

Be strong.
Be powerful.
Be confident.

And remember that you are never alone.

You got this.
We believe in you.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Have a good week everyone, and if you live locally feel free to join us for our live group healing on Monday the 14th or join us on Thursday nights for our wonderful meditation group.  We would love to see you!

Group Healing January 14th:

Our next group healing will be Monday January 14 from 7-8:30 at 800 Main Street, Amherst Ma. (middle door in the front of the building.)  The fee is $15.00.

This is a wonderful evening of healing, community, laughter, enjoyment and elevated states of consciousness.

Come for yourself, come to contribute to the healing of others, come to raise your vibration and the vibration of the planet.

Little by little, we rise up, raise our vibration, elevate our state and contribute to the healing of ourselves, our community, and our world.

Be part of the revolution.

Together we create a light that brings healing to ourselves, our family and friends, our community and our world.

Please join us!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein

Becoming Uncommon

I was meditating this morning and I heard a teachers voice in my head and he said, “If you want the uncommon, you must become uncommon.”

What did he mean by that, you may ask?

He meant if you want to have new and unusual experiences in your life you have to live life  differently than the average person.

You have to learn to give while everyone else is taking.

You have to learn to love while everyone else if judging.

You have to learn to listen while everyone else if talking.

You have to learn to be selfless while everyone else is being selfish.

You have to learn to stay calm while everyone else is reacting.

You have to learn to look honestly while everyone else is avoiding.

These are not easy tasks, and yet it is what is asked of us. We are asked to model a new way of being and to be willing to be a beacon of hope and light  in a world filled with darkness. The challenge of this is sometimes we must stand alone for a while until other like minded people can find their way to us.

But for now be willing to stand alone. Be willing to model a new way. Be willing to take the road less traveled. Be willing to be uncommon.

Practice offering love even in the face of judgementalness or unkindness. Practice giving while others are taking. Practice listening while others are talking. Practice being selfless while others are being selfish. Practice holding a new standard for yourself, even if you are doing it alone.

See what shows up differently in your life when you show up differently.

As always, be wise and discerning as you navigate new terrain.

And most importantly, remember if you want the uncommon, you must become uncommon.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Learning to listen.

Be sure that you’re not so full of opinions about what I am doing that you can’t hear a word I say.

Be sure that you’re not so filled with certainty about my path that you’ve lost your ability to listen.

Can you sit wide open without judgment, without opinion, and just listen?

Can you sit wide open and allow me to share what is in my heart to share without jumping in?

Can you put aside your thoughts of right and wrong long enough to just be with me?

Can you sit in compassion while I talk?

It sounds easy, but I’m not sure you can do it.

Challenge yourself to sit with somebody for 10 minutes today with the only intention to listen, not to judge, not to correct, not to inform, not to save, not to rescue, but just listen.

How deeply can you listen?

How deeply can you remain still inside?

Can you sit with my pain?

Can you sit with yours?

You say you want more intimacy in your life.

Then you must learn to listen.

For I will only tell you my secrets if I think you can be trusted

~Hayley Mermelstein

If you want more intimacy in your life.

I often hear people talk about how they want more intimacy in their lives. Why don’t others confide in me? Why don’t I have close friends? And while I am no expert I can tell you one thing. If you want people to tell you their secrets learn to listen. Learn to listen in an open and non judgemental way. Learn to listen in such a way that someone could tell you anything and they would not feel one iota of judgementalness from you.

Can you really hold an open space for someone else?

I know that you think that you can.

But I can tell you must people cannot.

Most people can’t really listen. They can judge, offer advice, try to rescue and save, but deep down they can’t really listen. What you have to say is unpleasant for them, or makes them uncomfortable, or takes too much time, or makes them feel like they need to rescue you.

If you are someone who can really listen, you will have more people drawn to you then you can handle.

So learn to listen. Not so you can have more friends on this earth. Learn to listen because it is a lost art.

Learn to listen because it gives others space to share their secrets.

Learn to listen because it is a gift so few know how to give.

Can you go through one conversation without judgementalness, impatience, or the need to rescue or save? Can you go through one conversation with the only agenda to listen as deeply as you can.

When you really listen deeply you give others the space to unravel into their own answers.

It will seem like magic to you if you are really paying attention.

But you have to be able to really listen. You have to let go of your certainty that you know what is right for another person. You have to let go of your impatience. You have to let go of your self righteousness and urge to judge or rescue.

You must bring yourself earnestly to the table with the only desire to give another the space to share whatever is in their heart to share.

If you can do this, you will watch others unravel into their own wisdom, and their own answers.

But do not take my word for it.

Try it for yourself.

Listen with no agenda today. Do not listen to make another see your version of the truth. Do not listen to correct.   Do not listen to save or set straight. Listen only to listen. Listen only to give another person the opportunity to heal. Listen only to give the other person as much room as they need to express what is in their heart.

Do not correct. Do not save. And do not judge. (your judgement will be felt even if you say nothing, btw.)

Sit in as much openness and compassion as you can find in yourself.

Sit in your openness and let anything another person has to say be okay.

Make your only agenda to be to listen as deeply as possibly.

If you can do this, you will hear on a whole new level and others will be drawn to you in ways you have never experienced.

If you can do this, you will become a healing salve in a world filled with quick answers and opinions, judgementalness, self righteousness and impatience.

Learn to listen. Learn to listen.

People need to feel safe to express more than they need your advice.

Experiment with this today. Sit in compassion. Sit in openness. Let go of your need to correct and see how deeply you can listen.

What will happen in your relationships and your life will shock you.

 

 

The Greatest Gift of All.

When I come to you with my heartache and sorrow, can you just listen, really listen? Can you listen without the need to judge me, with out the need to correct me, without the need to tell me what to do, without the need to protect me or save me from myself?

When I tell you my pain can you not tell me all the ways I am not seeing this correctly, can you not tell me that I am acting like a teenager, can you not tell me that I’m worrying way too much about this? Can you not tell me what I need to do or say? Could you just listen for as long as it takes?

Can you listen until I find my way?
Can you listen until I unwind into my own knowing?
Can you just listen because I have something I need to share and express?
Can you listen and allow me my process?
Can you listen just for listening sake?

Can you listen with compassion?
Can you listen with understanding?

Can you understand everyone has something they are working through and even if you know all the answers, even if you think you know everything I am doing wrong, even if you think I should be over this by now, can you just listen?

Can you listen and know that I just need to talk.

I don’t need you to tell me what to do.

I don’t need you to tell me what to say.

I don’t need you to protect me from myself.

I don’t need you to educate me about everything I am doing wrong.

I don’t need you to tell me how ridiculous I am being.

I need you to love me and I need you to listen.

When you really listen without the need to protect, judge, rescue, save or set straight, when you really listen just for the sake of listening, you give other people the relief of sharing what is going on for them. You give them the opportunity to find their own answers. When you listen you allow others to have their process. When you listen without judgement or thought about how they should navigate their life you allow them space to come to their own knowing and step into their own power. When you listen just for the sake of listening you offer the deepest healing of all.

And so for today practice listening. Hold back on advice giving. Hold back on judging. Hold back on thinking you know. Just listen. Just listen and send love and trust that the people in your life will find their own way, in there own time.

Listen and love. This is all that is asked of you for today.

Of course, there are times when advice giving is sometimes appropriate and even life saving. But it is only through deep listening that we will know when it is time to speak up.

(It is said that God gives us two ears and one mouth for a reason.)

For today, focusing on listening.

See how deeply you can listen and when you feel you want to advise, judge, correct, set straight or tell someone how absurd they are being, listen even deeper.  Make listening your utmost priority for today and let any words you speak come from this place of deep listening.

Your deep listening will allow others to unwind into their own answers.

Listen deeply today and offer someone something that is a rare and special gift: your time, your attention and your love. Listen deeply today and give others the space to share what is truly going on for them.  In this way, you will be a healing force in their world in a way that you can not fully fathom.  Be a safe harbor for those in your life.  Give the greatest gift of all.  Learn to listen.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.

May we all deepen our capacity to listen deeply and hear on a whole new level

P.S. As always, I write about what I most need to learn. And in that vein, I will be working on listening on a whole new level in 2019.

Thank you for listening to my words. I deeply appreciate your time and attention.

Blessings to us all.

Warmly,

Hayley Mermelstein
 
p.s.s. Our next Group Healing in Amherst, Ma. will be Monday, January 14th at 7 p.m.  We are located at 800 Main Street, Amherst, Ma. middle door in the front of the building. 

Our healing community and healing power is growing. Feel free to join us for this evening of light, love, healing, community and laughter.  We look forward to seeing you soon!

Even Though

I was talking to a friend yesterday about the challenge of self love and how truly learning to love oneself was not always an easy task. On the surface most of us would say we do love ourselves and yet as we dig deeper we find places of darkness within that still need healing. I often wonder what would change in our lives if we truly loved ourselves? What goodness are we denying ourselves because of our lack of self love? What opportunities might open in our lives if we really felt worthy to receive?

It is on this note that I wrote the piece entitled: Even though. It is about truly leaning to love ourselves even though we are highly flawed and often can’t live up to our own ideals of ourselves. It’s about learning to love ourselves with all of our imperfections.

I offer this to all of us today and we enter the holiday season. During this time we may rub up against our own wounds and the wounds of others. We may be tempted to fall into self judgement or judgement of others.

Perhaps this poem will help all of us to stay a little kinder and a little more compassionate with ourselves and others. Perhaps this is the greatest gift we can give one another as we enter into this holiday season.

Even Though.

Even though you are highly imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you have made many mistakes. I love you anyway.
Even though you feel so flawed some days, I love you anyway.
Even though you have meant well and sometimes done the wrong thing, I love you anyway.
Even though you have trouble saving money the way you would like to, I love you anyway.
Even though you move from one imperfect situation to the next, I love you anyway.
Even though you have days where you feel like you can’t do this, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flooded with self doubt some times, I love you anyway..
Even though you have starved yourself and over ate all in the name of trying to fit some societal ideal of beauty, I love you anyway.
Even though you have abandoned your own needs time and time again. I love you anyway.
Even though you are not sure if you can navigate this life you have been given, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been unappreciative, I love you anyway.
Even though you are not as disciplined as you may like, I love you anyway.
Even though you are messy sometimes, I love you anyway.
Even though you have loved those who can’t love you back, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been selfish, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been been self denying, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been insecure, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been arrogant, I love you anyway.
Even though you have remained passive when you should have spoken up, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been too rigid, when you should have been loose, I love you anyway.
Even though you thought you were right when actually you were wrong, I love you anyway.
Even though you have been afraid, and that fear caused you to act in out of balanced ways , I love you anyway.

Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.
Even though you are flawed and imperfect, I love you anyway.

Our lives are a series of moving from one imperfect situation to the next. We have our imperfections and the people around us have theirs. We have our blind spots and the people around us have theirs.

And so we must learn to love the imperfections both within ourselves and within others. We must learn not to be so surprised by them. They are part of the human condition.

Learn to love the imperfections. Learn to love the wounds. Learn to love the humanity within yourself and within others. This is the way out of the pain.

There are imperfections and wounds within you and all around you. Learn to love them and they will not control you any longer. Learn to expect them. Learn to stay balanced around them. Learn to embrace the wounds, learn to embrace the imperfections. Learn to embrace the messiness of the human condition in all its pain and all its glory. Learn to love that which you deem unlovable within yourself and others. Learn to love the humanity as you learn to call out the best that is within you. Learn to love it all and you will be free.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,

Hayley Mermelstein