The Queen of the Ice

When my niece was about three years old she told me she wanted to play a game called Queen. I looked at her and told her I didn’t know what the game Queen was. She patiently explained that she would leave the room, wrap a towel around her head (that would be her crown) and then she would come back. When she entered the room, my job was to clap and smile and wave and cheer her on, because, of course, she was the queen.

Most girls her age like playing house. My niece liked playing Queen.

When my niece was four, I took her for a long walk in the woods on a cold, snowy day in December. She is from the city so this was quite a magical adventure for her. We came across a large puddle that was frozen from the winter cold and my niece pretended to ice skate on the frozen puddle.

For a time, she was lost in her own world of imagination as I watched on. At one point she looked up and said: Look Hayley, I’m the Queen of the ice.

I smiled and agreed, yes sweetie pie, you are the Queen of the ice.

It began to get very cold and close to lunch time and my nieces’ lips were shivering and so I gave the customary five minute notice that we would be heading home soon.

She ignored me, too lost in her own imaginary world to give much regard to what I was saying.

Okay, sweetie pie, in two more minutes we are going to start walking home, your mommy is going to be worried about us and its very cold outside.

Again, no response from the Queen of the ice.

Okay, sweetie pie, it’s time to go. I say two minutes later.

At this point my niece, completely lost in her character and imaginary world, looks up to me with contempt. Her normally sweet countenance has changed. She glares at me and says quite sternly:

Hayley. I. Am. The. Queen. Of. The. Ice. I tell you when we leave, you do not tell me.

And in that moment, the veil between worlds lifts for me and we are both in another time and in another place. She is not a four year old, she is the Queen. I am not her aunt; I am her faithful servant and care giver. We are in another world and another time. Memories are flooding me. I have joined her in her not so imaginary world.

And then the veil closes and I am back in this world with my four year old niece who is still lost in character.

I don’t want to take away her authority at this moment and remind her that in this life she is unfortunately not the Queen but instead a mere four year from new jersey, and so instead I say:

You know since you are the Queen, you can stay here as long as you want but I’m cold so I’m going to head home now.

And with that I turned and walked away.

Thirty seconds later I hear the pitter patter of little feet running to catch up to me. I can tell my four year old niece is back.

Hayley, Hayley, I’ve decided it’s cold outside and time for lunch, I think we should go home now.

Great idea Ariana, you are a very good Queen.

And with that we hold hands and continue through the winter wonder land and make our way home. I am her aunt and she is the four year but I see now that we have a bond from another time where she was the Queen and I her faithful servant and care giver.

Last night, I was talking to my now 8 year old niece on Face time and we were reminiscing about walking in the woods and the snow and her being the Queen of the ice. She is mindlessly playing with her Legos while we talk. She is once again somewhat lost in her imaginary world, and she says to me:

When I ice skate on the ice and I hear the ice cracking beneath my feet it reminds me of when I was in the palace and how the floor boards used to crack. It reminds me of the palace because the floor boards made the same sounds.

I pause. I did not know why skating on the ice brought back Queen memories for her. I also pause because I know for a moment she is back in a different world in a different time. She is an eight year old from new jersey, playing with her Legos, remembering her life in the palace.

Later, I recount the whole story to my sister, who is not sure is she believes in past lives or not. But in this moment my sister suspends her beliefs and looks at me says with a smile:

I’m not sure if she really was a Queen in a past life or not, but that sure would explain a lot.

Authors note:

Sometimes we are who we are not because of our childhood conditioning or how are parents treated us, but because of who we have been in a past life. My niece came into this world strong and sweet and determined. She had many leadership attributes from day one.

Not everything is due to childhood conditioning.

Look closely at those around you. They leave whispers and hints about who they were in the past and the karmic learning they are engaged in now. We have many lives and play many roles in this journey through the cosmos, in this journey through time.

Welcoming love

I was working with a client the other day and the theme of welcoming love arose. I thought I’d share some of the chakra balancing affirmations that we worked with in case they might be helpful for you. I am enjoying working with them and thought you might as well!
enjoy…

I welcome love into my life.

Crown chakra: I walk in the charmed circle of God’s love. All that I need comes to me with ease. All my needs are met, All my needs are met.

Third eye: I am filled with knowing. I know. I know.

Throat: I am genuine. i am myself. i am comfortable with myself. i am me.

Heart chakra: I am open to give love and I am open to receive love. I am open to love. I am open to love. I am a being of great love and all the love I put out into the world comes back to me multiplied. I am radiant being of light and love. I am love and love is all around me. I am love and love is all around me. Love comes to me with ease. Love comes to me with ease. Love comes to me with ease.

Solar Plexus: I welcome love into my life. I welcome love. I surrender all resistance to love. I let go of my resistance. I allow love into my life. I am open to love and I welcome love into my life.

Identity: I am open to give and I am open to receive. I am equally comfortable with both. I am balanced. I am steady. I am filled with wholeness and open to love. I am filled with wholeness and I am open to love. I am filled with wholeness and I am open to love.

Base: I am filled with humility. i am enough as i am.

Take a moment now and really open to love. Affirm: I am open to love. I am open to love. I am open to love. See how open you can be. See yourself as a magnet to love. See yourself as a being of love. Be aware that all of love that you put out into the world comes back to you multiplied. Be a being of love. Be a generator of love and allow all the love that you put out into the world to come back to you ten fold. See how deeply you can welcome love into your life.

So often we try to change the world out there. “if only they would be different, I could be different.” For today instead of fixing the people in your life, focus on healing your resistance to love. For today see how open you can be to love. See how deeply you can welcome love into your life.

So often we desire love from others but we have not worked on healing our own blockages to love. We have not healed the places that think we don’t deserve love, or are afraid of being hurt, or are afraid to let others in, or feel unworthy. We have not healed the inner voices which seek to sabatoge our experience of love.

Focus on healing your own wounds today. Focus on feeling worthy of love. Focus on the feeling of all your needs being met. Focus on truly opening to that which you desire. Focus on letting go of your resistance to that which you say you want. Focus on healing your subconscious tapes. Focus on changing and healing yourself. Let others be today. Just leave them alone. Heal the only person you can heal. Heal yourself. Love yourself. Change yourself.

See what shows up differently when you show up differently.

Affirm frequently:

I am open to love.
i am open to love.
I am open to love.

I welcome love.
i welcome love.

Love comes to me with ease.
Love comes to me with ease.

All my needs are met.
All my needs are met.

New loving people fill my world.
New loving people fill my world.

I am a being of love and all the love i put out into the world comes back to me multiplied.
I am a being of love and all the love I put out into the world comes back to me multiplied.

I welcome love into my life.
i welcome love into my life.
i welcome love into my life.

When the time is right, I will come to you.

Be the magnet.
Be the being of love that you are and draw all that you need to your side.

Your only job is to be the magnet.
Your only job is to be the being of love that you are.

Radiate love.
Radiate light.

Become the radiance that you seek.
Be the beacon of light and love that you are.

Be it.
Become it.

Be the magnet.

Your only job is to be the being of love and light that you are.
Become the magnet and draw all that you need to you.

The key is love.
The key is light.

Become the magnet and draw all that you need to you.

Let me come to you.
Let me come to you.

Become the magnet.

Be light.
Be love.

All the rest will take of itself.
The formula is not as difficult as one would think.

Make your only goal to be a being of light and love.
It is the key to your manifestation.

Be light.
Be love.

All else will take care of itself.
Love is the key to your manifestation.

Be love.
Be light.

Be the magnet.
All else will be drawn to you in its own time.

See love as your superpower.
Love is the magnet force that draws what you need to you.

Be vigilant in love.

Seek to be it.
Become it.

Do it you for you.
Do it for others.

You have training and awareness that most do not have.
Hold yourself to a higher standard.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

We expect you to use what you have learned.
We expect you to apply your knowledge.

Be it.
Become it.

Be the magnet.
Draw all that you need to you.

Sit in the circle of love and light and draw all that you need to you.
Be the magnet.

Be the light.
Be the love.

I will come to you when the time is right.

Let go of all control.
Let go of all impatience.

Be the light.
Be the love.

All else will resolve in its own time.

Seek nothing.
Seek no one.

Just be.
Just be.

Be love.
Be light.

Be the magnet.
All will be drawn to you in its right time and place.

Surrender.

Allow.
Relax.

Be at peace and
Allow your heart to shine, radiate and love.

Be the magnet.
Be the center of peace and love and light.

Do not let the world put you in a state of disarray.
All is evolving as it should.

Trust,allow and be.

Your job now is to be a being of love in a time of great fear and worry.

Be at peace and do the job that is assigned to you at this time.

Be the magnet of love.
All else will take care of itself in its own time.

Be light.
Be love.

Be at peace.
Be one with all of life.

Do the job that is assigned to you.
And be satisfied with your efforts.

All is well.
All is well.
All is well.

~Hayley Mermelstein

The universe often speaks to us through rejection.

If my Shiatsu teacher had not rejected me I would never have met my meditation teacher.

If after years of study, my meditation teacher had not rejected me, I would never have met my next important teacher.

If I had not been pushed from the nest of comfort, I may never have flown.

Rejection can be painful.
But it is one of the ways the universe guides us.

The next time a road is closed to you, the next time the way is blocked, be curious.

Life may just be redirecting you to your next path of learning.

Sometimes the bird does not want to fly and so it is pushed.

The universe can use your enemies to get you where you need to be.

Resist not the rejections that you face.

Life talks to us in many ways.

Rejection is one of the ways that life moves us to where we need to be.

Rejection is one of the ways life talks to us.

Rejection is often guiding us to the people and places we need to be next.

Learn to embrace rejection, it is one of the ways the universe guides us.

Sometimes the people rejecting us do not know they are important agents of change.

Sometimes the people rejecting are not conscious of why they are rejecting us, they are simply being guided by a force beyond themselves.

Learn to see rejection as one of the many ways life lets you know where you need to be.

Embrace rejection and be curious.

Perhaps you are being guided to your next path of learning.
Perhaps you are being guided to the next door you are meant to walk through.

Do not fear rejection.
Embrace it.

And be curious where the path is leading you.

My Life as a Monk

My 85 year old father called the other day and we were having our usual conversations about life and the weather and what I did today when suddenly he asked the question: “You believe in past lives, right?”

Now, my father knows the answer to this question, because we have had this conversation before. He knows that I believe in past lives and I know he does not. He has asked me why I believe in past lives and I have told him because I have past life memories on a regular basis. He thinks it must be comforting for me that I believe that we have more than one life to live.

We agree to disagree.

But this time, the tone is different. Something is different about the way he asks the question and so I pretend it’s the first time we are having this conversation and I say,

Yes, I believe in past lives. Why do you ask?”

There is a pause and he says: “I’ve been having past life memories lately. I keep remembering a life I had as a monk.”

Really, I reply. What do you remember?

Every morning in the monastery we had mutton stew. He says. It was a simple life. I really liked my life as a monk.

He continues: Actually, I don’t even know what mutton is, do you?

We consult google and both discover that mutton is the meat from an older sheep while lamp is the meat from a younger sheep.

“We had mutton stew every morning he continued. It was a simple life. I really enjoyed that life. He says somewhat wistfully.”

You know, Dad. I say. I remember a life where I was a monk too. I think we were friends in the monastery.

You think we were friends in the monastery? he repeats back to me.

Yes, yes I do. I say.

He takes a moment to reflect and then says: Yes, I think you are right, I think we were friends in the monastery.

The conversation drifts a bit and then he says: You know, my father has been visiting me at night.

What? I ask.

Yes, my father, he has been visiting me at night.

What does he say, I ask?

Nothing. My father replies. I just wake up in the middle of the night and he is there smiling at me. It is really comforting.

And I smile and I say that is great Dad. That is really nice that grandpa is visiting you.

And my smile is wistful now because although I am happy for my Dad that he is having these experiences and that we can talk about them, I am also realizing that he is being prepared for his next chapter and his next adventure.

I realize that I too am being prepared.

And so, I smile and say that is great Dad. And inside I am happy and inside I am sad.

A plate of compassion all around for this strange and interesting journey we are all on together.

~Hayley Mermelstein

The greatest gift my grandmother ever gave to me

The greatest gift my grandmother ever gave to me came several months after she died. Her greatest gift came the night she visited me in a dream.

My grandmother died about 20 years ago and immediately after her death I was consumed with guilt. I felt guilty that I had not done enough for her. I felt guilty that I had not given enough of myself. I felt guilty that I did not appreciate her more.

I loved my grandmother and she loved me, but she was a challenging women. She had a hard life filled with difficulty and she had become bitter and negative which made her difficult to be around and so I limited my time with her.

When I did go to visit her, a great deal of the visit would be spent with her complaining about how I never came to visit, which of course made it hard for me to want to go visit again (ps. I was in my twenties at this time, so didn’t have the best coping skills for all of this.). And to be fair the visit would also have good food, and popcorn, and movies and family. It was a mixed experience.

Anyway, back to the greatest gift.

So, when she died I found myself consumed with guilt. I felt guilty that I had not gone and seen her more. I felt guilty that she was lonely. I felt guilty that I had not appreciated her enough. I felt guilty, guilty, guilty.

I was about 33 when she died and really didn’t have the skills to deal with my guilt either. And then one night, in a dream, a couple of months after she passed, she came to me. It was a simple dream. She smiled at me and told me not to feel guilty. She said, “The problem wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate me enough, the problem was that I didn’t appreciate you enough.”

Those simple words resonated with truth and hit me deeply. I suddenly saw it. The problem in this case wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate her enough, it was that she didn’t appreciate me enough.

And with that a huge weight was lifted from my chest.

Thank you Bubby. (Yiddish word for grandmother), for taking the time to come back and help me heal the feeling of not being enough. It was truly the kindest and most generous gift you ever gave. And thank you for the love and the pizza bagels and all the food. I know food was love for you. And thank you for the kindness and caring. I know that you loved deeply.

We are all so imperfect in human form and
we are just doing the best we can.

A plate of compassion all around and
a plate of forgiveness all around.

I hope that some burden you are carrying will be lightened now.
I hope that you are okay.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

We are all so imperfect in human form and it is okay.

We are spirit and we are divine and
that is where are perfection lies.

Forgive yourself today and
grant someone else some forgiveness too.

We are all so imperfect in human form.
And it is okay.

It is all okay.

I’m not sure if I’m writing this for me, or my grandmother, or for you, my kind reader.

Perhaps I write it for all of us.
For we are one and share the same human condition.

Forgive yourself today.

We are all so imperfect in human form.

And it is okay. It is all okay.
And it is going to be okay.

Relax.
Breathe.

Trust.
Allow.

Forgive yourself.
Forgive someone else.

It’s all going to be okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
It’s all going to be okay.

No one to fix but me

What if there is no one to fix but me?
What if I am the universe and the universe is me?

What is everything is a reflection of something in my inner world?
What if there is no one to fix but me?

It is so tempting to look around and try to fix that one and that one.
If only they saw things as I did we would all be okay.

It is so tempting to want to change them and just make them see.

But truly, what if there is no one to fix but me?

What if the problem isn’t out there?
What if it is all an inside job?

What if we are one and there is no one to fix out there?
What would happen if I never tried to fix another again?

What would happen if I put all of my attention on elevating my own state and moving through life from that place?

What miracles might ensue if I attended to my garden and sought only to fix myself?

What if there truly is no one out there to fix?

What if it’s a problem of perception?
What if I have forgotten that we are all God, perfect and divine?

What if as I perceive God every where I begin to manifest the divine more and more in my life?

Can I do this?
Is there an irony in writing a message reminding all of us to tend to our own garden?

What if there is no one to fix but me?

Tend to your own soul.
Tend to your own garden.

Seek to heal yourself.
Seek to bring your best self forward.

So many seek to heal others and make them see.
But what if there is no one out there to fix?

Elevate your own state.
Become the being of love that you are.

If you want more love in your life and on this planet, be the change that you wish to see.

Tend to yourself.
Heal yourself.

Become the being of love that you are.

Fix no one but yourself.

Let the revolution begin.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Your Job is You.

Your job is you.

Your job is not to take another’s inventory.
Your job is to stay in the frequency of love.

You are a messenger of love.
You have come to bring love to the planet.

Do not look for others to be perfect or even clear or wise.
Do not look to others to appreciate what you are giving them.

Many on this planet are like children.
Unaware of the gifts they are receiving.

Seek to refine your own character.
Let others grow and evolve in their own time.

Let your focus be on you.

Seek to refine your own character.
The rest will take care of itself in its own time.

Your job is you.

Many don’t have eyes to see the truth of who you are or what you bring to the table.

Be content that we see you.
Be the messenger of love that you have come to be.

Refine your own character.
Refine your own character.

Your job is you.

Let the rest take care of itself.
Life keeps an accurate score card.

We. See. You.
Let that be enough.

Be the messenger of love that you are.

Others will take your inventory.
Let them.

Stay focused on you and become the best version of yourself.

Be you.
Work on you.

That is your job.

Aspire to be the best that you can be.
Rise to the occasion.

Elevate.
Ascend.

Do not worry about what others are doing or not doing.
That is their responsibility.

You job is to be a messenger of love.
Stay focused on your high, destined role.

Continually seek to refine your own character.

Like an oyster making a pearl.
The pearl of great price.

Stay focused on this and you shall be successful.

Become a master of love.

See the challenges in your relationships as the tests to whether you can meet the resistance with love or not.

Again, work to refine your own character.

See the challenges as test to your capacity to love.
This is no small task but aspire non the less.

You are a messenger of love.
Step into you destined role and do your best.

You will stumble.
You will fall.

But aspire non the less.
Become the brilliant light you are meant to be.

The challenges you face are the grit that is refining your character, revealing the places you still have work to do.

Become a messenger of love.
Become a messenger of love.

Your challenges have come to refine your character.

Work on you.
That is your job.

Love will guide you.
We will guide you.

Be the best that you can be and you will be satisfied with your journey.

All emotions are welcome here.

Feelings are for feeling and so for today I allow myself to feel.
All feelings are welcome here.

I welcome all my feelings.
I welcome all my emotions.

Everything moves through me now.
Nothing is resisted.

I’m tired of the fight.

Elevate.
Rise up.

Love.
Laugh.

But first feel.
Feel it all.

Grief.
Fear.
Anger.

Let it all move through you.

Resist nothing.
What you resist persists.

And so experiment today with allowing it all to move through you.
Feel it all.

Let it all be okay.

Each feeling has something to teach you.
Welcome them all with an open heart.

All feelings are welcome here.
All emotions are welcome.

Nothing is repressed.
All is allowed.

Let it all move through you.

Nothing blocked.
Nothing suppressed.

Allow.
Flow.

Surrender to the waves moving through you.

Welcome.
Welcome.

Welcome it all.

I welcome you.

I welcome all my feelings.
I welcome all of my emotions.

Nothing is repressed.
Nothing is suppressed.

Everything moves through me.

Every feeling is honored.
Every feeling is welcomed.

It all moves.
It all flows.

And as I allow these feelings to move through me they transform and speak to me.

Each feeling has a message.

Nothing is banished here.
Nothing is banished here.

And so allow your feelings today.
Allow them to speak to you.

Welcome everything.
Welcome it all.

Let this be your experiment with life today.
What happens when all is welcomed and nothing is banished.

What are your feelings wanting to communicate to you?
What have you banished and what do you allow?

For today welcome the storms.

Welcome the grief.
Welcome the anger.

Welcome the love.
Welcome the joy.

Let all weather patterns move through you and observe, listen, feel.

I welcome it all.
Nothing is banished here.

I welcome you.
I welcome you.
I welcome you.

I allow.
I allow.
I allow.

Everything moves through me.

Nothing is blocked.
Nothing is banished.

All is observed.
Felt.
Experienced.

Allow.
Allow.
Allow.

Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome.

Observe.

Feel.
Experience.

What is resisted, persists.

So flow.
So experience.

Welcome it all.
Welcome it all.

What unfolds when all emotions are allowed and welcomed?
What unfolds when nothing is banished.

Let yourself and others have their process.
Let this be your experiment with life today.

I welcome all my feelings.
I welcome all my emotions.

Nothing is banished here.
All is welcomed.

Nothing is repressed or suppressed.

All is allowed.

I welcome all my feelings.
I welcome all my feelings.
I welcome all my feelings.

Everything moves through me.

Storms come and go.
Weather patterns pass.

The sun shines again.

All is allowed.
All is welcomed.

I love you as you are.

I welcome you.
I welcome you.
I welcome you.

Be at peace and welcome all parts of you to the table.

I welcome you.
I welcome you.
I welcome you.

After years of repression.

I welcome you.
I welcome you.
I welcome you.

Cultivating Trust

I stumbled upon this affirmation I wrote a few years back. Thought it would be helpful to share during these interesting times.

I trust.

I trust.
I trust.

I let go and I trust the process of life.
I trust that spirit is working with me to manifest what I need.

I trust that spirit is my helper.
I trust that spirit is my partner.

I trust.
I trust.

I trust that powerful guides are by my side.
I trust that I am being guided.
I trust that I live a guided life.

I trust.
I trust.

I trust that there is a spiritual force of life that is always working with me.

I trust.
I trust.

I trust the power of spirit and focus on that power rather than focusing on the size of my problems.

I trust the power of spirit and make that power bigger than my enemies.

I trust.
I trust.

I devote myself to service and I draw in even more powerful assistance.

I devote myself to service and I am surrounded by powerful beings of light.

I let go and I trust the process of life.
I let go and I trust the process of life.

I trust.
I trust.

Take a moment now and immerse yourself in trust. Give yourself permission to remember that powerful beings of light are all around you working with you to manifest what you need. Remember that you are never alone.

When you are tempted to become overwhelmed with your problems, turn instead and focus on the power of spirit.

Focus on the power of spirit within you and the power of spirit all around you. Ask for divine assistance. Focus on the power of spirit and allow the power of spirit to bring you through.

Be sure to couple your trust in spirit with wise decision making and appropriate action.

Be aware of how this impacts the quality of your day.