I was walking on the beach about a year before my father died. I was walking and thinking about an interaction I had with him a few days prior. I had asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me and he said no.

I sort of pushed it a bit:
Come on Dad. Lets go for a walk. I insisted.

Again he said no. Not now. I’m too tired.

(My Dad was an avid walker and he and I had been going on long walks for as long as I could remember)

As I was walking on the beach, reflecting on this interaction, my then, very much alive father, appeared before me in spirit form. (now mind you…this had never happened to me before). Anyway, my father appeared before me in spirit form and began to talk to me.

He said:

Hayley, I have lived a full life and I have completed what I came here to do. I have had the relationships that I was meant to have.

At that point I was shown his long line of relationships: His parents, his brother, my mother, his three kids, his four grandchildren, his friends, etc…etc…

I have had the relationships that I was meant to have. I have completed what I came here to complete. You can help me by letting go and not pulling at me. Let me be. Also, do not interfere with any decisions that your mother will make in the upcoming period of time. Do not argue about flu shots, or medications, or vaccines, or any medical procedures. Sit back. I am preparing to move onto my next chapter. You can help me by letting go and not interfering with the process. Help me to let go by letting go of your attachments to me.

And with that my father’s spirit faded out of sight. And I was left on the beach with the new awareness that my father felt complete here and that I could help him let go by not pulling at him to be the person he once was.

You see my father, who was forever youthful, had aged in the last couple of years and had slowed down quite a bit. I understood that he was winding down his journey but still I had not fully grasped what was happening.

His message to me on that beach was helpful in guiding me about how to be with him. I stopped pushing or pulling and just learned to be with him. I practiced letting go of my attachment to his life here on earth and began to think about having an ongoing relationship even after he left his earthly body.

I am sure I didn’t do this perfectly. Hey, I am human and if I had it my way, no one we loved would pass or go away. But my higher self, of course, understood his message to me and wanted to support him in his journey through space and time and so I practiced loving him and letting him go.

I am still practicing.

My father passed about a year after my walk on the beach. He went relatively quickly and peacefully.

I hope he is enjoying his freedom from the body. I hope that I was supportive to him. I hope I did enough.

I look forward to having another visit from his spirit self when the time is right.
but for now I practice loving him and letting him go.

My father was an explorer and an adventurer at heart. I imagine he is off exploring the great unknown. I hope that he is having a great time.

On a side note my father once asked a group of family members what brought them great joy. His answer to this question was seeming his kids happy. What brings me bittersweet tears of great joy is thinking of my father as truly happy.

Fly free Daddy, and much love.
Fly Free.

~Hayley Mermelstein

I was meditating this morning when these words started echoing in my mind. I had to pause and write them down as they were flying by. Thought I would share them here in case they might speak to you as well.

This is your mission, should you choose to accept it.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to become a being of love and compassion while here on earth. You will be challenged. You will be betrayed. You will be lied about. People you love will misunderstand you. People you trust will share your secrets. Lovers will cheat on you. People you give generously to will complain about you and not appreciate the depth of what has been given to them.

This mission is not for the faint of heart. This mission will challenge you to your core. You will feel many, many times like you cannot do it. This mission sounds easy, but it is not.

You will be challenged daily and still if you choose to accept it your mission is to become a being of light and love upon this planet. Think long and hard about this before you decide whether or not to accept this mission.

Of course, you really have no choice. For you will suffer until you fully decide to accept this challenge. For to live in disappointment or grief or pain or victimhood is really no way to live.

And so the challenge is put before you on this day. We suggest that you start small. Start with 10 minutes. Commit the next ten minutes to being a being of light and love and compassion. See if you can hold it for ten minutes and then slowly build from there.

We suggest that you keep in mind that you will be tested. These tests are meant to challenge you. How else will you become a warrior of the light? How else will you become the person that you are meant to become? Do not be naïve about what these challenges will entail. Do not be childlike in this endeavor.

Also be clear and be sure to love yourself through this initiation. For your life here on earth is an initiation. Part of your learning is to learn to fiercely love yourself and be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate in the name of love.

This is not about being a doormat for all who come into your vicinity. No this is about being a warrior of light. This is about being a warrior of love. To become a warrior of the light you will have to be very strong and very clear. It takes great power to be a warrior of love in a world filled with fear, greed, animosity, hatred and poor judgement.

To step into this role you will need to be prepared. You will need to see very clearly. You will need to be able to say yes and you will need to be able to say no. If you cannot say no you will be eaten alive and your ability to be a being of light and love will be highly compromised. If you cannot say no you will in fact fail at your mission here.

Do not succumb to sympathy or over giving. Both are a sign of weakness on your part. Instead, be a being of great compassion. Be fierce in your love and compassion and be fierce in your ability to set limits and to be able to say yes and to say no.

Seek to do the loving thing. The loving thing is not always to please the personalities of those with whom you engage. The loving thing is that which supports the spiritual growth of all those with whom you interact. It is not loving to enable weakness in those you love.

Be wise. Be fierce. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be strong. Be powerful. Do the loving thing.

Your path will challenge you and is not for the faint of heart. Step into your high and destined role. Become the messenger of love you are meant to become. Be gentle with yourself because this is not an easy assignment in a world filled with so much imbalance. But also, be fierce and uncompromising. This is why you came to the earth. We suggest you accept your mission and begin today. Become who you are meant to become and you will be satisfied with your journey.

God speed and remember:

You are a warrior of the light in a world filled with imbalance. Carry the torch and remain steadfast in your vision and your assignment. Step into your high and destined role. Step into your power. You are more powerful than you know. Remember your power and this will help you to become the person that you are meant to become.

We are with you. You are never alone.

This is your mission should you choose to accept it. Become the being of light and love and compassion and power that you are meant to become. We promise you, if you can do this, you will be satisfied with your journey.

So often others are afraid of not getting what they need and so they try to manipulate life to give them what they think is right for them or what they deserve.

The only problem is this action shows the underlying belief that You are not going to get what you need.

For today experiment with truly trusting that life is on your side and conspiring in your favor. Let go of all desire to manipulate or control life so that you can get what you need.

When has trying to manipulate life ever worked in the long haul?

Have you noticed that it when you totally let go completely that miracles happen?

Have you noticed it is when you stop trying to make it happen, force it to happen, beg it into happening: that that is when it happens?

So let go of your petty manipulations.
Let go of your desire to control.

Let go of that part of you that thinks your mortal self is running this show.
You have no control. It is an illusion.

Show your trust in life by letting go of the desire to control it.
Surrender to life.

The universe has a much bigger and brighter plan for your life than you can possibly imagine.

The limited mind has no idea of what the unlimited mind is capable of.

And so surrender your deepest desires.
Surrender your deepest dreams.

Give spirit the control.
When you give spirit the control the miraclulous can happen.

Put your desire out into the universe.
But do not dictate from whom or where it will come.

For example: if it is more money you desire, put that desire out to the universe. Embody the feeling as if it is here. Embody the feeling of having received it. But do not dictate from whom or where it should come. Let the unknown surprise you. Let go and let the universe bring to you all that you need. This is a supreme letting go, a supreme trust.

Do not be rash.
Listen deeply to the forces that are guiding you.

See how deeply and profoundly you can let go of your desire to manipulate life.

Stop looking for an outcome.
Stop trying to predict from where it will come.

Let the good Lord surprise you.

And surprised you will be.

Let go of the desire to control.
Let go of the desire to manipulate .

Let go and know that all that is right to you will come.

If there is action to be taken, you will know.
You will be guided.

Let go profoundly and completely and
Let the magic begin.

~Hayley Mermelstein

Thinking about letting go and surrendering as I sit on my hotel deck in Florida overlooking the ocean. Thinking of Lester Levenson and Joe Dispenza too. Appreciate everything I’ve learned in the last few years….

I let go of trying to make anything happen.

What would happen if I just let go?

Would the world end?
Would the world come crashing down?
Would the forces that be give up on me?

What would happen if I just let go?

What synchronicities might find their way to me if I just surrendered and put it in Gods hands.

What synchronicities might happen if I got out of the way.

Don’t be small minded.
Stop trying to figure it out with your mortal mind.

Let go I say.
Let go of trying to make anything happen.

Let go and allow life to unfold.
Let go and trust.

Stop trying to control anything.
Stop trying to make anything happen.

Let go.
Let go.

Let go and you will be guided.
Let go and you will unleash the magic of the universe.
Let go and you will unleash syncronicity.
Let go and all that is meant to you will come to you in its own time.

Let go in a profound way.

Let go of trying to make anything happen.
Let go of trying to figure anything out.

Let to and allow.
Let go and allow.

Magic happens when you let go.
Let this be your experiment with life.

Stop trying to make anything happen.

Stop looking for it.
Stop anticipating it.

A profound letting go.

What magic happens when you let go?
What magic unfolds when you surrender?

What syncronicities might find their way to you.

Let this be your experiment today.
Stop trying to make anything happen.

Let go.
Let go.

From now on, manifest everything you need by letting go.
Put it in Gods hands.

Let go in a profound way.
The key to manifestation is to let go.

Let go and trust.
Let go and allow.

Let go and see what unfolds when you are out of the way, and not trying to manipulate life to get your needs met.

Let go.
Let go.

Let this be your grand experiment with life today.

Let go of trying to make anything happen.

Be the queen or the king.
Let what is meant for you come in its own time.

No graveling.
No begging.

No manipulating life.

A profound trust.
A profound allowing.
A profound surrender.

Let go.
Let go.

Let go and you will be guided.
Let go and all you need will come to you.
Let go and when the time is right, you will know what to do.

Let go of trying to figure anything out.
Let go of trying to make anything happen.

Let go and give the universe the reins.
Let go and be at peace.

What is meant for you will come to you.
Let go and trust.

Let go and trust.
Let go and trust.

~Hayley Mermelstein

What if whatever is transpiring in your life right now, no matter how painful, if deeply important to helping you become the person that you are meant to become?

Can you surrender to it?
Can you accept it?

Can you allow it?
Can you just be with your pain?

What if this pain is transforming you into the person that you are meant to become?

Be with it all.
Welcome it all.

Resist nothing.

Be with your pain and let it burn away all that needs to be transformed within you.

Be with your pain and let it consume you.

Be with your pain and let it soften your sharp edges.
Be with your pain and let it burn away your arrogance.
Be with your pain and let it transform you into the person that you are meant to become.

Don’t try to get rid of your pain.

It is here to heal you.

Me, you.
Us, them.
Right,wrong.

You are selfish.
No, you are selfish.

Black, white.
Pink, purple.

Who is right?
Who is wrong?

Who is the sheep?
Who is the wise one?

In the words of Rumi:

Out beyond right and wrong there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

Fight among yourselves.
Bicker some more.

They want us fighting.
They want us mad.

Stir the pot.
Stir some more.

When does it stop?

When you decide.
One person at a time.

Step out of the battle.
Put down the sword.

Surrender at last.

Can I live these words?
I don’t know?

This is not a fighting song.

Step into your power.
Lead the way.

Put down the sword.

I’ll go first.
I’ll go first.

~Hayley Mermelstein

She is two years old and gripping her mom’s hand tightly.

And at the same time an interesting and intriguing sight looms ahead.

Oh, sweetie pie,

It’s a big world out there, but you are going to have to let go of your mom’s hand if you want to see it.

There is intrigue in her eyes.
The debate looms large.

Which will it be?

The comfort of mom’s hand or the adventure of the unknown.

Which will it be?

I ask myself this same question every day.

And every day I am afraid.

And some days I let go of the hand that holds me and some days I cling.

The unknown beacons.

What will you do sweet one?

Which will you choose?

I’m ready for the truth now.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I woke up with this feeling today.
After months and even years of confusion.

I’m ready for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

What would you know, if you were not pretending not to know?

What truth have your pretended not to see?

I want the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth.

And I don’t want to call a friend.
And I don’t want to consult the psychic.
And I don’t want to talk to a therapist.

No, I want to see it for myself.

I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Don’t water it down for me.
Don’t sugar coat it.

I want truth.
I want honesty.
I want total transparency.

What would you know if you weren’t pretending not to know?

What truth would revel itself to you, if you were ready to receive it?

Do you want the truth?
Are you ready for the truth?

As for me, I’m tired of living a lie.

I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Reveal your secrets to me oh universe.

I’m ready.

Here is an excerpt from this weeks meditation class on trust. Enjoy!

I trust.

I trust.
I trust.

I let go and I trust the process of life.
I let go and I trust the process of life.

I trust.
I trust.

I trust that all of life is conspiring in my favor.
I trust that spirit is working with me to manifest what I need.

I trust that everything is always working out for me.
I trust that I walk in the charmed circle of Gods love.

I trust.
I trust.

I trust that I am learning from my challenges.
I trust that my challenges have come to make me stronger.

I trust that I am learning from my places of ease and
I trust that I am learning from my challenges.

I trust that I am learning from all of life.
I trust that all of life is conspiring in my favor.

Take a moment now and let yourself be filled with a feeling of trust.

Affirm:

I trust.
I trust.

Feel the vibration of the words.
Embody it.

Allow every cell of your body to be filled with trust.

I trust.
I trust.

See how deeply you can go into trust.

Walk in trust.
Sit in trust.
Stand in trust.

Allow yourself to be immersed in the feeling of trust.

I trust.
I trust.

Now combine your trust with wisdom and wise decision making.
Affirm:

I trust and I am wise.
I am a wise decision maker.

I couple my trust with wisdom.

Take a moment now and allow yourself to filled with a feeling of trust. See how deeply you can go into the vibration of trust. Allow your body to be filled with trust. When you are immersed in the vibration of trust, your crown chakra will naturally open. When your crown chakra is open you can more easily access and hear your spiritual guides and beings of light who are all around you. When your crown chakra is open you can receive downloads from the universe.

Take a moment now and ask: What do I need to know at this time? Listen deeply and be aware of what information comes to you. Take time every day to immerse yourself in the vibration of trust. As always combine your trust in life with wise decision making.

Also do not confuse your trust in life and trust in spirit with trust in people. People are learning and growing and evolving. Unless they have reached full enlightenment they cannot be fully trusted. Put your trust in life and listen deeply to guidance. Trust, be wise, and listen. You will be guided.

~Hayley Mermelstein

For more information about our meditation class that meets every Thursday night at 7 p.m. EST on Zoom, please contact me at hayleymae@verizon.net or 413-992-8581.
 

When my niece was about three years old she told me she wanted to play a game called Queen. I looked at her and told her I didn’t know what the game Queen was. She patiently explained that she would leave the room, wrap a towel around her head (that would be her crown) and then she would come back. When she entered the room, my job was to clap and smile and wave and cheer her on, because, of course, she was the queen.

Most girls her age like playing house. My niece liked playing Queen.

When my niece was four, I took her for a long walk in the woods on a cold, snowy day in December. She is from the city so this was quite a magical adventure for her. We came across a large puddle that was frozen from the winter cold and my niece pretended to ice skate on the frozen puddle.

For a time, she was lost in her own world of imagination as I watched on. At one point she looked up and said: Look Hayley, I’m the Queen of the ice.

I smiled and agreed, yes sweetie pie, you are the Queen of the ice.

It began to get very cold and close to lunch time and my nieces’ lips were shivering and so I gave the customary five minute notice that we would be heading home soon.

She ignored me, too lost in her own imaginary world to give much regard to what I was saying.

Okay, sweetie pie, in two more minutes we are going to start walking home, your mommy is going to be worried about us and its very cold outside.

Again, no response from the Queen of the ice.

Okay, sweetie pie, it’s time to go. I say two minutes later.

At this point my niece, completely lost in her character and imaginary world, looks up to me with contempt. Her normally sweet countenance has changed. She glares at me and says quite sternly:

Hayley. I. Am. The. Queen. Of. The. Ice. I tell you when we leave, you do not tell me.

And in that moment, the veil between worlds lifts for me and we are both in another time and in another place. She is not a four year old, she is the Queen. I am not her aunt; I am her faithful servant and care giver. We are in another world and another time. Memories are flooding me. I have joined her in her not so imaginary world.

And then the veil closes and I am back in this world with my four year old niece who is still lost in character.

I don’t want to take away her authority at this moment and remind her that in this life she is unfortunately not the Queen but instead a mere four year from new jersey, and so instead I say:

You know since you are the Queen, you can stay here as long as you want but I’m cold so I’m going to head home now.

And with that I turned and walked away.

Thirty seconds later I hear the pitter patter of little feet running to catch up to me. I can tell my four year old niece is back.

Hayley, Hayley, I’ve decided it’s cold outside and time for lunch, I think we should go home now.

Great idea Ariana, you are a very good Queen.

And with that we hold hands and continue through the winter wonder land and make our way home. I am her aunt and she is the four year but I see now that we have a bond from another time where she was the Queen and I her faithful servant and care giver.

Last night, I was talking to my now 8 year old niece on Face time and we were reminiscing about walking in the woods and the snow and her being the Queen of the ice. She is mindlessly playing with her Legos while we talk. She is once again somewhat lost in her imaginary world, and she says to me:

When I ice skate on the ice and I hear the ice cracking beneath my feet it reminds me of when I was in the palace and how the floor boards used to crack. It reminds me of the palace because the floor boards made the same sounds.

I pause. I did not know why skating on the ice brought back Queen memories for her. I also pause because I know for a moment she is back in a different world in a different time. She is an eight year old from new jersey, playing with her Legos, remembering her life in the palace.

Later, I recount the whole story to my sister, who is not sure is she believes in past lives or not. But in this moment my sister suspends her beliefs and looks at me says with a smile:

I’m not sure if she really was a Queen in a past life or not, but that sure would explain a lot.

Authors note:

Sometimes we are who we are not because of our childhood conditioning or how are parents treated us, but because of who we have been in a past life. My niece came into this world strong and sweet and determined. She had many leadership attributes from day one.

Not everything is due to childhood conditioning.

Look closely at those around you. They leave whispers and hints about who they were in the past and the karmic learning they are engaged in now. We have many lives and play many roles in this journey through the cosmos, in this journey through time.