Please Don’t Call Me a Saint.

You are such a saint, she said in a text just the other day.
And I cringed inside.

I know that I am not a saint.

I know that I have poor boundries sometimes.
I know that I have trouble saying no.

I know that I over give so that I will be liked.
I know that I abandon myself sometimes.

I know that I put other peoples needs before my own.
I know that I am not a saint.

So please don’t call me saint.

If you want to be helpful,

Remind me to not abandon myself.
Remind me that my needs matter too.

Remind me that being nice is not the same as being real or authentic or compassionate or wise.

If you want to be helpful remind me to love myself.

On second thought,

I do not need you to remind me.
I will take full responsibility for myself.

I will remind myself:

Your needs matter.
You matter.

Be real.
Be authenitic.

Say no when you want to say no.
Stop being such a people pleaser.

And above all else:

Learn to love yourself.
Learn to listen to yourself.

Learn to listen to the whispers of spirit within you and all around you.
Learn to serve the oneness of which you are a part.

Don’t abandon yourself.

Life will keep challenging you until you learn to listen,
until you learn to love yourself.

Life is a relentless teacher.

Putting you in impossible situations until you stand up for yourself,
Until you learn to listen to your own needs.

We will not allow you to abandon yourself any more.
So cry uncle early.

And above all else learn to love yourself, truly and deeply love yourself.

You matter.
Your needs matter.

We love you.
We won’t abandon you.

So, please don’t call me a saint.

I don’t want the role and I don’t want the calling.
And besides that is rewarding my wounds.

I want to be real.
I want to authentic.

I want to be true to myself.
I want to love myself.

Only then will I be a true saint.
But at that point you probably won’t see it.

You will probably like me better when I’m wounded.
But that is okay.

I’m learning to love myself.
And in the end, that all that really matters.