“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”~ Robert Brault
I had a dream a few nights back about a friend whom I had a falling out with several years ago. In the dream, I went to her with the hopes of receiving an apology for all that had transpired between us (I had already apologized for my part of our falling out.). I was ready to let go and forgive and move on. The only thing I needed was her to apologize and own her part, and then I could finally be free. In the dream she acted as if nothing had ever happened between us and seemed oblivious to my pain. In the dream I started to cry and actually started begging her to see my suffering and apologize. She looked past me and started talking about something inconsequential.
I awoke knowing that I would never get the apology that I desired.
What is a poor soul to do?
As I have reflected on this dream and this relationship, I realized that I had given my power away. I wanted resolve, I wanted healing, I wanted to forgive and move on. I didn’t want to damage my body with anger or hurt or feelings of betrayal anymore. But in order to be free I had constructed a scenario where I needed an apology from someone who was never particularly good at being sensitive to my feelings.
I realized that “needing” an apology to feel complete or resolved was, in a sense, putting my freedom into someone else’s hands. “If they apologize, then I can fully forgive and move on. If they apologize, I can find the resolve I am looking for. If they acknowledge my pain, I can be free.”
In my moment of awakening (literally) I realized that I could take my power back. I realized that my friend’s process was really her business. My process was my business. And so I decided to take my power back and give myself full permission to forgive, let go, and find the resolve that I desired. I decided to accept the apology that I never received.
And then I wrote the following affirmation to assist me in this process:
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
You are good and you are learning and
You are flawed, just like everyone is flawed.
You are human and you are learning, and you are spirit and you are filled with greatness.
You have strengths and you have weaknesses.
I acknowledge your strengths and your gifts, and I forgive your flaws.
You are learning and growing just like everyone else.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
In forgiving you, I set myself free.
In forgiving you, I free myself from my pain.
In forgiving you, my body is healed and I am made whole.
I forgive you, and I am free and you are free.
I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me what you came to teach me.
I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me not to be so naïve in relationship.
I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me to not make my healing contingent on something outside of myself.
I forgive you and I thank you for teaching me to step into my full power and stop playing the victim.
I forgive you and I thank you for the friendship shared and the lessons learned.
I forgive you and I set you free.
I forgive you and I set myself free.
May you find peace and
May I find peace.
The earth is a school.
We have come for growth and we have come for learning and we have come for enjoyment and for service.
May I grow and learn and may you grow and learn.
May healing come to both of us.
A plate of forgiveness, understanding and compassion all around.
I accept your apology.
I am whole and complete now.
And, I forgive myself too.
I forgive myself for my mistakes.
I forgive myself for my flaws.
I forgive myself for the times I was insensitive or out of alignment or out of balance.
I forgive you and I forgive myself.
Our union was a karmic one filled with joy, and learning, and love, and pain.
I forgive.
I forgive.
I forgive and I understand.
I forgive and I understand.
I forgive and I understand.
~Hayley Mermelstein
Have a good weekend everyone and if you feel inspired, join us for our Free Tong Ren Chakra Balancing Teleclass Sunday August 7th. The call in number is: 413-259-8048. I look forward to joining you on the call!