I often hear people talk about how they want more intimacy in their lives. Why don’t others confide in me? Why don’t I have close friends? And while I am no expert I can tell you one thing. If you want people to tell you their secrets learn to listen. Learn to listen in an open and non judgemental way. Learn to listen in such a way that someone could tell you anything and they would not feel one iota of judgementalness from you.
Can you really hold an open space for someone else?
I know that you think that you can.
But I can tell you must people cannot.
Most people can’t really listen. They can judge, offer advice, try to rescue and save, but deep down they can’t really listen. What you have to say is unpleasant for them, or makes them uncomfortable, or takes too much time, or makes them feel like they need to rescue you.
If you are someone who can really listen, you will have more people drawn to you then you can handle.
So learn to listen. Not so you can have more friends on this earth. Learn to listen because it is a lost art.
Learn to listen because it gives others space to share their secrets.
Learn to listen because it is a gift so few know how to give.
Can you go through one conversation without judgementalness, impatience, or the need to rescue or save? Can you go through one conversation with the only agenda to listen as deeply as you can.
When you really listen deeply you give others the space to unravel into their own answers.
It will seem like magic to you if you are really paying attention.
But you have to be able to really listen. You have to let go of your certainty that you know what is right for another person. You have to let go of your impatience. You have to let go of your self righteousness and urge to judge or rescue.
You must bring yourself earnestly to the table with the only desire to give another the space to share whatever is in their heart to share.
If you can do this, you will watch others unravel into their own wisdom, and their own answers.
But do not take my word for it.
Try it for yourself.
Listen with no agenda today. Do not listen to make another see your version of the truth. Do not listen to correct. Do not listen to save or set straight. Listen only to listen. Listen only to give another person the opportunity to heal. Listen only to give the other person as much room as they need to express what is in their heart.
Do not correct. Do not save. And do not judge. (your judgement will be felt even if you say nothing, btw.)
Sit in as much openness and compassion as you can find in yourself.
Sit in your openness and let anything another person has to say be okay.
Make your only agenda to be to listen as deeply as possibly.
If you can do this, you will hear on a whole new level and others will be drawn to you in ways you have never experienced.
If you can do this, you will become a healing salve in a world filled with quick answers and opinions, judgementalness, self righteousness and impatience.
Learn to listen. Learn to listen.
People need to feel safe to express more than they need your advice.
Experiment with this today. Sit in compassion. Sit in openness. Let go of your need to correct and see how deeply you can listen.
What will happen in your relationships and your life will shock you.